Chris's stuff

Drama

2006-09-07T00:32:00.000-03:00

It has been established that women are the source of all drama. I stop asociating with them and it stops. Well mostly anyways. The Drama that doesnt stop is coming from my family. Namely my sister and Kim. One woman in training, skank but a type of woman nonetheless I guess, and one hateful, confused thing that according to my soon to be sister-inlaw is refered to more often than not as 'crazy Kim'. Now that introduction's are I cant even begin anywhere without running off at the mouth somewheres.

Kim and Candace lie constantly. Or one has told the other lies which the listener believes whole heartedly to the point where they will imagine that they have done things to prove said imaginary events/facts/etc. Both of them have contradicted themselves and each other so many times that it almost isnt even worth talking to either of them anymore. The first thing that candace does whenever we talk is start pouring on the garbage that is just dripping in motherly influence. And well mother son time has never been enjoyable for me. I think the only times we have spent in each other company without her screaming, yelling, insulting, or degrading either me, my interests, the people I care about or the choices I make are when I am ignoring her with my Discman on, or when she realises that I really have no patience for her nonsense and really wouldnt care if she were to fall off the face of the earth. By fall I mean launched from a cannon, catapult or other such high velocity launching device. All of the obove make her go silent and think about the reason behind my calous, that or make her brood dark thoughts of hatred I can never really tell.

Wedding is going to be interesting for sure tho. Mother is not invited, Matthew is not interested in attending (fears incuring wrath of the afore mentioned party), Michael is all excited to be my usher, and Brandon thinks and feels what he is told to by his mother. Oddly enough my father seems to be following suit with Brandon. Kinda sad to put them on the same level but atm they are acting the same. One too many "Yes dear, whatever you say dear" I imagine... isnt this how WWII started? Appeasement? Guess dad is the jew getting whipped til his time in the gas chamber. Hmm I seem to have developed a sudden interest in what my mother considers a "Superior" race for some reason >.<

Aside from Michael and maybe matthew and brandon (after the latter two have been away from mother's brainwashing for a minimum of 6-8 houts) I really cant think of a family member I would like to talk to or be around. Candace is too busy being mother's minion for the fringe benefits to make being near her bareable and I almost dont want her anywhere near my wedding for fear that she gets something crazy in her head and starts listening to Kim and her negative attitude towards love, life, and living creatures.

I really hope Kim comes to someday for the rest of the kids sake but as far as things go with me I have no desire to ever talk to her or be related to her in any way.

So ... marriage?

2006-07-15T19:52:00.000-03:00

As many of you may now, we made the date official ... July 14th, 2007 @ 2pm at the St. Mary's RC Church in Miramichi we will be tying the knot ;) No I'm not pregnant just so everyone knows, as I have been accused of it many times. Wedlock/shotgun weddings aren't my thing.

All of mine and Chris' family is invited but the friends list is minimal ... I'd rather have family over friends attending and since I have a HUGE family, that will make for an expensive wedding as it is. SOOOO don't feel too bad if you're a friend of ours and you don't get an invite ... most of the friends attending are childhood ones. Bridesmaid/ushers have been chosen, as have the Maid of Honour and Best Man =)

That's all for the update ... we been "officially" engaged for over a month but people keep on asking me whether/when we are getting married so I thought I'd throw it out there.

Love you Baby. Can't wait to be Tammy Lee Sears.

-Tami-

Here's To Living Together

2006-05-08T23:58:00.000-03:00

Well since Chris doesn't update this much I thought I should for those of you who even check up on this. April 28th was a success and we are settled into our one-bedroom apartment on 780 Montgomery Street. It's a quiet building, which is a big plus for me :) Despite the smell of Asian that engulfs the place, I'm happy to call this place Home for the next X amount of years.

Chris' job hunt is still going ... all the jobs in Fredericton and none of them called him back yet. Bastards. I'm torturing myself in summer classes and will probably be doing the same thing next year. Being overloaded with classes and adjusting to a new living arrangement is tough but I'm happy I'm doing it. Maybe he'll post later and give his thoughts on this, although I'm sure he loves my company lol :)

Well that's all ... to anyone who still cares what goes on in ChrisMark's life I just gave ya's an update. YAY me.

Tami Malley

Back

2006-02-20T03:00:00.000-04:00

On My Own
Hedley

Stayed awake all night toss and turnin'
Now my blood shot eyes are burnin'
Workin' out why this ain't workin'
Fight after fight after fight
And now it's killin' me
You were too busy to believe in
All the run away dreams I was dreamin'
Time to pack up and go I'm leavin'
Fight after fight after fight

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

How'd you end up oh so jaded?
Cynical and so sedated
Can't live in this world you created
Day after day after day

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

You will always be the lonely one
You will always try to swallow the Sun
Just remember you could never make it rain on everyone

On my own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
Cause I don't have to say
And now you're killin' me

On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home

Lyrics dedicated to a belated incident that happened between me and my parents back in summer. Long story and not interesting. Trust me.

Hey gang that actually decided to check my blog again. Long time no... well... contact really. I've pretty much been surviving on my crack addiction that most people call online gaming. I guess its kind of a good thing tho... less money spent on alcohol. My liver has been good to me thus far so I really see no reason to punish it.

School is a cake walk so to speak. I have a great crew here at university backing me. We work together on everything and together we... well... nap in class and make ridiculous analogies. Poor prof. Du has been interpretted as a crazy chinesse hobo asassin named Dr. Doom (that's right, a hobo with a doctorate) who is secretly using our assignments to construct his dooms day device which would be cleverly disguised as a shopping cart full of worldly possessions. We have also concluded that he will offer a bonus assignment where we will unknowingly be guinea pigs in the testing of his suicide bomber vests of mass destruction. And I swear these "Solo" assignments he gives out in real life were never easier with 4 people working on it at once... it only takes 4 all nighters at the lab to complete one now.

Summer for me is now decided tho... I move in with my beautiful best friend and woman. I could never be happier to be away from what I'm used to. I hate to bail on my bros back home but I've done my time and when my mother snaps and reaches for the bottle or the pistol I'd rather be as far from her as possible thanks. She's an amazing woman in herself and is possible of anything with her work habits and for that I admire her. Just some of the logic she uses makes me wonder if she's racist against those younger (supposedly dumber) than she, or just hates everyone. Wish I could have picked up her work habits tho. Probably be a millionaire already if I had of done that.

Well anyway, I hope to be posting a lot more of late. Insomnia is beginning to kick in again much to the dismay of my roommate, and I have nothing better to do, but for now I think I can pass out.

Gone
CM

The Best Present

2005-12-07T09:33:00.000-04:00

I finally got the perfect present for Tam that I could find... something that I've been trying to find just the right one of for quite some time. I found the perfect lil promise ring for her. And tho it is surprisingly dainty it looks amazing on her. judging by the way things are going with my family I will probably be spending more of the holidays with her than was previously planned. Mother once more being a tard and all. well I've got not much else to say other than I love ya Tam, see ya on the 17th

Out
CMS

2005-11-28T22:26:00.000-04:00

Soo... it has been an interesting week full of idiocies and atrocities. First off I find that my brother Micheal has attempted his own life. Can't say I'm shocked, my mother has been riding everyone rather hard lately for no reason at all but still... He actually tried. That terrifies me. I love him to death and to think that he would do that makes my want to cry. Then after hearing the news, my retard of a roommate tells me to go to counciling, not because what happened might actually bother me. But because if I get bad marks this semester I can use the counciling sessions as proof that I was having problems. It works he tells me because that's what he did in second year when his GF died in a car accident with him in high school... he's third year now. Now stop me if I'm wrong but is that not the most immoral thing you have ever heard of? And to top all this off it seems that mother is just going to pretend that nothing happened. Gotta loving parents. I hope someone conveys this my mother because somehow she may come to conclusion that she's a horrible mother, Well she is. her own son tries to take his own life and she pretends like nothing happens? *slap* wake up and smell the roses.

My Roommate Has the Social Capabilities of a Two-Year-Old

2005-11-01T11:47:00.000-04:00

The Offspring
Mota

Mota!
Everyday, well it's the same
That bong that's on the table starts to call
My name
I take a hit and zone out again
I'll be paranoid and hungry by a quarter to ten
Watching reruns on my TV
I'm laughing off my ass at Three's Company
I don't know if I'm understood
Buy hearing Jimmy Buffett never sounded so good
Your memory's gone and so is your life (your life)

Mota Boy
But losing out just never felt so right
Your enemy's you and so is your life (your life)
Mota Boy
But losing out might feel okay all night
Mota!

I'm driving down to the barrio
Going 15 miles an hour cause I'm already stoned
Give the guy a twenty and wait in the car
He tosses me a baggie then he runs real far
I take a hit but it smells like a clove
Oh fuck I got a baggie of oregano
This ritual is destroying me
But I guess it could be worse
It could be methedrine

Your memory's gone and so is your life
your life
Mota Boy
But losing out just never felt so right
Your enemy's you and your couch is your life
Your Life

Mota Boy
But losing out might take
Losing out might take you all night
Mota!
Losing out might feel okay all night
Yeah losing out might feel okay all life

Lyrics dedicated to the people that think I'm missing out by being who I am and doing what I do... I am happy can you say the same?

Hmm so the person that I share this dungeon of a room with turned out to be a social retard after all... Not to say that I'm not one mind you. The only thing I do is homework, video games, and the occasional social activity that I get dragged to by a friend who thinks my social skills will collapse if I don't exercise them. Despite my social shortcomings, this guys pisses even me off... it's not that he isn't smart or anything... it's just that he's, well, stupid. I seriously can't think of another way to explain it. I had my gf over so we locked the door to do our thing when he left and forgot to unlock it afterwards so instead of knocking when he wants to come in he decides to leave for the night... fine by me I was tired of having him check out Tam when he thought I was sleeping. But then he decides to just starts calling the room repeatedly at 4 in the morning and hanging up when I answer (O_o didn't we do that in grade two???)... Or when he had a few people in the room to play cards, he asked if I could turn off the movie that Tam and I were watching because "he wanted to see it too." Tam eventually got fed up with him after I tried to explain to him that I have never and will never watch a movie with him in the nicest way possible. She kept it simple and just told him that we'd turn the movie off because we didn't want to make the baby cry. An entertaining weekend to say the least lol. I even pitched it to him about moving out and leaving me the room here... he has "friends" in other houses. Most of which have confirmed that Mike is a whack job and while excellent for testing your patience, small doses of his company are recommended to preserve your sanity. Between his screaming at people on his computer and yelling at tech support for his shitty ping (which turned out to be his fault btw lol)... I even got the honour of shredding mike's supposed computer know-how in front of one of his friends. Idiot had ShareScan on the entire time and his shitty ping was because people were downloading off of him lol. So many headaches of mine all because this moron couldn't remember to disconnect his file sharing programs before he goes and plays his games. Makes me want to take Darwins theory of natural selection and naturally unselect my room mate with a rusty pair of scissors. Well this topic is pissing me off and I need to go to class so I'll finish this later.

CM

News

2005-10-10T19:02:00.000-03:00

Hedley
On My Own

Stayed awake all night toss and turnin'
Now my blood shot eyes are burnin'
Workin' out why this ain't workin'
Fight after fight after fight
And now it's killin' me
You were too busy to believe in
All the run away dreams I was dreamin'
Time to pack up and go I'm leavin'
Fight after fight after fight

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

How'd you end up oh so jaded?
Cynical and so sedated
Can't live in this world you created
Day after day after day

And now I gotta be
On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home

You will always be the lonely one
You will always try to swallow the Sun
Just remember you could never make it rain on everyone

On my own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
Cause I don't have to say
And now you're killin' me

On My Own
And living in a world alone
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'm gonna make it on my own
I'll always take the harder road
Gets better every day
That I don't have to say I'm sorry I'm coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home
I'll make it on my own
I'm sorry I won't be coming home

So, It's only been what? Two months since last post? Guess that's what you get when you're life gets boring. But the undramatisation is definately worth it lol. In terms of news in the world of CM my plans have redefined themseles once more, and a new tattoo design is yet again on the table. Nothing too too interesting but we'll see where it goes.

My plans are now to see if I can get an apartment in McGee instead of moving off campus. I've decided to come to terms with my laziness and admit that I find it hard enough to get to class from where I live now, forget about it if I lived any kind of walking distance away from campus lol. I'm just too much of an energy conservationist to get myself to class when it's so much more efficient to just read the notes off of WebCT and the like. Let's just ignore the fact that I probably wouldn't learn a thing.

My tattoo design thus far has come to a halt until I get a few things translated into latin... Now Kera is assuring me that her Professor has no quams about doing this for me so that's great, so now all I have to do is get the words to hime so he can translate them. I've decided to go with a virtue before vice of humanity thing and am currently debating whether or not to throw in Neill house's 'Death before Dishonour' so any kind of valid input that anyone can put in on that note would be considerate on your part. This one is getting set up to be put on the left shoulder, and I'm still looking for a design for something a little bigger to put in the middle, (ie. full back, or of similar size). Probably going to have a fight with Tam on that one but hey... that's what a relationship is I guess lol... me saying I'm going to do something, she saying I'm not, and then me telling her to go to hell, and then me telling her to go make me cookies or something. Domestic women in their kitchen eh. That's what it's all about baby. Well that's all for the moment, I'm just going to stop so I don't get flagged by a bunch of feminists

Out
CM

Remeber: 80% of women sing in the shower and 20% masterbate.... if you can't tell me what they sing about, guess which group you belong to.

Out of House and Home... and Happy About It

2005-09-08T11:56:00.000-03:00

Billy Talent
Line & Sinker

What you see is what you get!
Fishing for the answers with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget!
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

Today I don't feel pretty
And I'm tired of trying to fit right in
Don't think that you're so great
Cause being great must suck!

We don't always see the bright side
We all need ego suicide
You hung my ID today
But I have licked my
wounds and carried on

Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
So stand up straight and firmly say...

What you see is what you get!
Fishing for the answers with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget!
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

My heart is in the right place
So wipe that smirk right off your face
Don't make me feel like that,
Cause you're just plain not nice!

We don't always see the bright side
And I lied when I said I was fine
You slapped my face today
But I have licked
my wounds and carried on

Everybody needs some sympathy
Sadly seem to miss my chimney
Reality is truly scaring me
Stand up straight and firmly say

What you see is what you get!
Fishing for the answer with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget!
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

Everybody needs some sympathy
Santa seemed to miss my chimney
You stole my luck from me
And now my fortune cookie's empty!

What you see is what you get!
Fishing for the answers with a line and sinker
Look at me and don't forget!
Hard to get a grip with all these broken fingers

These lyrics are sent out to remind me of how it no longer feels when I walk into where I live... Good bye old home, sorry bros and father I wont be there to take the brunt of mom's fury anymore. So that's it.... I've just spent my last night at the house of my long outlived gaurdians. No more searching for what motives my mother has for doing me "favors" or worrying if my father's actions are of his own concoction and motivation or just his spinelessness giving in to what she would have complained about for days. No more worrying if my sister is going to lift the twenty in my walet while I sleep or find something of interest to her in my room while I'm out. No more empty promises, twists in the road or jerks of chains. I'm free of all restraints except those that I myself create. Well that's enough of that. On to the main part of this post which will hopefully take some resemblance of what I had going in the posts before the summer came... a point.

Post:
So now it's back to uni... and it's almost on a high note. I'm sure all of you remember insurrection from back around mid-March and then again in early May, just in case you'd like to refresh yourselves on what he said. If it's no longer there I'm sure I can find it in my archives and present it to you if there is enough interest. Well I'm sure you're all familiar with the cocky attitude and hatefull citations located somewhere on my blog in the areas I've specified. Well it seems like the same bitch that sent me for a trip did the same thing to him. I can't even imagine how much that would tear at his soul, oh wait, I can lol. Now here comes a question I want you guys to help me with, I'm devided when it comes down to what to think. Half of me wants to feel sorry for him because if he cared for her for anything more than just the physical pleasures of a significant other he probably feels gutted right now. The other portion is not so sympathetic... I want to smile and laugh because the guy who was so cocky for taking something from me that I thought made me happy at the time, has just had it taken from him in the same fashion. Almost poetic. So... thoughts. Would being sympathetic for someone getting what he mocked me for recieving be pathetic or no. I'm just trying to get some traffic going again on this blog of mine so any kind of input is appreciated... Questions, comments, queries, even nintendo cheats would be appreciated. Yeah I now have every single NES ans SNES game ever made with emulators so if you ever feel like getting any of them give me a shout as well. Out

CM

Yay Back to Uni It Is

2005-08-26T18:19:00.000-03:00

Yay... back on track thanks to a large guilt trip delivered to my mother lol... I even got a 2300$ computer out of it lol. I'm sure as hell going to miss Shaylah (see pic) and the family. More later I promise, tho maybe not til I get to uni

Welcome to Chris' Funhouse... Posted here just for your amusement

2005-08-20T03:08:00.000-03:00

Scars Of Life
Silent Words

Inside alone
this world's coming down on me again
Nowhere to run to
as these twisted thoughts flow through my head
I never wanted to break away
Can't help that I don't feel the same
And now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees

I stare into myself I'm scared
of what I just might find
A reflection of my past
something I've always tried to hide
Now my life is coming apart
Why must I always be this way?
Now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees

I can no longer take this
The pain that lives inside of me
Must find a way to erase this
So I can finally breathe

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees
one sees

So it's official. I am no longer welcome at my house. I have a great plan for what I'm going to do but being on my own is kinda different from what I'm used to. Tam is being an angel and keeping me posted on stuff that I can't keep track of and giving me a place to stay so I'll be at university after all... except for the fact that at this moment in time I'm currently slotted to be living in MacKenzie's study lounge lol. I go to get my new computer from staples tomorrow but the biggest thing that is going to hurt is that I also go to my house for the last time in a very long time to get my belongings. I feel the greatest loss when I think about my siblings and how I'm not going to be there for them in the future. Kinda scary to think that just like that your family isn't going to see you anymore and vice versa. At least Candace is still only a shout away at University. I have no money for anything and will probably wind up having to go to work while at uni so that I can finish the year. Well I have to go... Tam needs her sleep and so do I. Maybe more later, let me know if you guys want to know anything about what's going on.

Ok... update. As of today, August 20th, my mother is the worst person in the world. I have worked all summer and saved close to five-thousand dollars for a new computer and to help with university. As of this time yesterday my mother has removed more than three-thousand-and-six-hundred dollars of that amount. I can understand if someone I had pissed off or that wasn't family would have done something like that but this is just low. My own mother stealing my money for university is probably the worst thing I have ever heard of. I need some help with what to do quick because I'm pretty sure my first instincts of beating the fuck out of her until I feel that I've gotten my money's worth isn't my greatest apifany to date. I've already collected the documents required for a lawsuit so I'll be prepared to have the RCs haul her ass away to court if it comes to that. Guys I'm sorry but University just seems so fucking far away right now I think I'm going to cry. And just the fact that it was ruined by my mother, the person who got me excited about it in the first place and the person I had thought I could at least trust not to rob me fucking blind makes me so sad and angry all at the same time that I don't know what to do. I've gotta go for a walk or something. More later

Don't Miss Me Bridges

2005-08-08T09:49:00.000-03:00

Our Lady Peace
In Repair

Well it's good to know that you'll be okay
I've been waiting for this
And i'll be there to sit while you pray
No one's blaming me
I'm not supposed to wait
when they open up your heart

Oh I, I have been good
I understood
Like a machine I'll fix you from the start
I'm in repair
Life that we share
I know that i'll be lost and
But we're always in repair.

Lock the door (6X)

And it's good to know that you'll drive away
from this car crash nightmare
and i'll be there to help you again
there's no danger
we're just killing time again
when they order up new parts

Oh I, I have been good
I understood
Like a machine I'll fix you from the start
I'm in repair
Life that we share
I know that i'll be lost and
But we're always in repair.

take this time to figure it out
know the wires, the fuse, the things that you doubt
the wheels, the air, the metal, the mouth
something, something, something

Oh I, I have been good
I understood
Like a machine I'll fix you from the start
I'm in repair
Life that we share
I know that i'll be lost and
But we're always in repair.
Oh I, I have been good
I understood
Like a machine I'll fix you from the start
I'm in repair
Life that we share
I know that i'll be lost and
But we're always in repair.

Ok so the lyrics were a late add but they are dedicated to something that happened today that has me worried. Being that I fret about everything I guess it's prolly nothing to *ahem* worry about or so the saying goes... Thru all of this the only thing I've had to keep me together was Tam. Thanks babe, it means the world to me.

Hey gang... well I hope you don't miss me too much. Seems that shit didn't come together right last year and I wont be beside you in Bridges. I'm in Temporary housing for at most the month of September and then I may get into a residence or so res office assures me. I have to thank Tam for being there to keep me sane because it's been hell with the housing screw up and mom deciding to tell me I don't have enough cash to go. We'll see how that one goes tho... I'll be there at least the first semester and I'll also be there for as much of second as I can for sure. On the plus side of things my uncle is back from out west for a few weeks, ya know... the rich one lol. He decided to give me a 120G external harddrive. Now if I only had a half decent computer that I could use it with. Mother assures me that uncle Donald will help me with that too but hey... first thing's fisrt eh? Well I'm heading out to Bathurst for the day, sory Courtney no time to look you up. If I had your number I'd give you a call but I'm going to be spending most of the time at the Orthodontist and Surgeon. Long story for a later time.. I'm out

CM

Today's news headline:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

*Later* 08/09/2005 11:33 PM

Ok... update. I just got some info back from res unb. I'll get into temp housing no problem so the school year is not on hold as I previously feared. Seems that my aunt was adamant of my never ever living there for any length of time whatsoever. Go family, I hope my parents never question why I have little to no sense of obligation when it comes to my family. And they say that since I've been practically living with Tam that I've been, and I quote, "alienating my family." The only thing I did at home was sleep. I got up, went to work at ICT, delivered catalogs for my feminine parental gaurdian and then went home and pass out. Oh no not alienatng my family, the thought leaves me drained... Speaking of drained, I got my blood work done today. Four vials full, my left arm only went dry after two. Stupid nurse decided she'd turn the fucking needle around to look for better possition and talk about homicidal urges. Well I guess that's all for now, I may get myself in trouble with the law for making threats again eh SM&BG.

Wait... forgot about the surgeon and ortho thing I nmentioned a moment ago if you're reading. Tam needed to go to Bathurst for a check up from both... She had to get her teeth checked up because she had her braces off for a while and needed to make sure that her teeth were doing good and the surgeon for some advice for after the accident. The othodontist asked if I was Tam's brother, she told me she was half tempted to say yes and then give me a big kiss just to see his little face screw up lol. Couldn't ruin the good name of Miramichi tho, we may have loads of lesbians and gays but incest is a no no. We're small, but not backwater small. Then of course the tool of a surgeon that basically tried to pump Tam of money with the subtly and intelligence of a cockroach with it's head cut off. Men who wear pink women's blouses that only button from the bottom to the navel should not be giving people advice on how to be beautiful... it's just not setting a good example. Kinda funny tho.. picture a paki saying in a french accent "It not a Lipoma." Please remember that the french don't conjugate... no "'s" on purpose. I got a dirty look from his heavily cosmetically enhanced and thus subserviant secretary for laughing at that one. Time to head out again.. miss you all

CM

2005-07-24T10:27:00.000-03:00

Clumsy
Our Lady Peace

throw away the radio suitcase
that keeps you awake
hide the telephone in case, you
realize that sometimes you're not okay
you level off but its not all right now
you need to understand
there's nothing strange about this
you need to know your friends
I'll be waving my hand watching you drown
watching you scream
quiet or loud

maybe you should sleep
maybe you just need a friend
as clumsy as you've been
there's no one laughing
you will be safe in here

Throw away this very old shoelace
that tripped you again
try and shrug it off
it's only skin now
you need to understand
there's nothing fake about this
you need to let me in
I'm watching you

Short and sweet people. I have to go help Tam with the kids. Baby sitting is fun sometimes because I get to see how badly Tam gets treated by the kids. My evil humour for the time being lol... Then again I thought that Mel was doing that too so I'm sure she'll have lots of horror stories for me to laugh at when we get back. I miss you all, I'll try to add more to this later but with the way this summer has been going who can tell anymore. Escaped being fired again... Falsified sales my ass, a guy tries to go faster and do his job better, makes a mistake and they try to can him for it. I should just be a lazy piece of crap just like everyone else that works there. Ahh well, only 4 weeks left. With three thou in the bank to show for it I guess I can't complain right? Then it's back to Uni where the only work I have to do is the stuff I pretend to do in class. Miss you all from uni and see ya later all from home.

Hopefully more to follow

Tam says I'm an ass for saying that I enjoy seeing the way the kids treat her

CM&TM

Party Past

2005-07-03T13:27:00.000-03:00

Lithium
Nirvana

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god.

I'm so lonely. And that's ok.
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad. And just maybe.
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's ok. My will is good.

I like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack. I love you.
I'm not gonna crack. I kill you. I'm not gonna crack.

I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles.
In a daze cause I've found god.

I like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack. I love you.
I'm not gonna crack. I kill you. I'm not gonna crack. (x2)

So the party happened and didn't go too bad. No one from university came and that was a disapointment but those who did come were fun to hang around with... Until they got too drunk and just started yelling and being obnoxious. So staying sober wasn't all it was cracked up to be, at least I got to save my bathroom from flooding out into the hall, thanks alot tam. You are so never aloud to drink at my house again lol. Xbox for the most part kept the majority of the guys occupied and the girls basically stopped trying to show off after they realised that there was no way they could compete with inebriated Halo2 and Soul Caliber2. So people that are drunk like video games as much as I like them sober... bad conclusion there I guess, maybe that's why mother gets so pissed everytime she sees me playing games. At least I choose to be addicted to something that wont destroy anything other than my social life lol. So just because I have a huge headache from last night I'm going to leave it at that, stupid loud music. At least there was no country, or I would have had to start drinking. Country is the worst garbage of music to listen to ever, except maybe a few songs when you're drunk and that's just because the music is as sketchy as your motor and literary skills. Out

Mark

PS ~
Rock & Roll weekend = lotsa blue

One full weekend of driving without a license + rock and roll weekend + no arrests = why in god's name haven't I gotten my license yet

Closing thoughts: Love is like a car bomb, one inpressive display, a sure way to permanently change your life, and never hits a suspecting victim...

Religion

2005-06-30T11:19:00.000-03:00

Jars Of Clay
Sinking

It's not my problem anymore
You see it never really was
So you can stop caring as you call it
And I'll be fine right here

You see that I can play
A pretty convincing role
So I don't need you
I don't think I need you

But you see through my forever lies
And you are not believing
And I see in your forever eyes
And you are forever healing

You can't hear what I'm not saying
And I can hold out long enough
Treading water I keep from sinking
I'm not one for reaching

But you see through my forever lies
And you are not believing
And I see in your forever eyes
And you are forever healing

You see that I can play
A pretty convincing role
So I don't need you
I don't think I need you

Deny myself
Deny my heart
Deny your hand
Deny your help
And you are there for me? Eternally?
But why should I buy that?

You see that I can play a pretty convincing role
So I don't need you
I don't think I need you
But you see right thru my forever lies
And you are not believing
I see in your forever eyes
That you are forever healing

Congratulations Jars Of Clay on getting found in my pile of cd's. And if you weren't singing about Jesus I think I may have been able to relate... sometimes lacking the faith that others seem to stumble upon so easily really sucks. Guess I "missed the boat" as Lorna might say lol.

signed on Tuesday 3:02 AM 06/21/05

After years of being forcefully persuaded into going to church by parents, going to church for friends that also went, and using just about every other excuse that could be made for me to go I admit that the only reason that I ever went to church was because I felt like I was missing something. You know how the pastor (padree, preacher, pope etc.) always say that those searching for salvation felt empty before they came upon "the miracle of Christ"? Yeah well I thought maybe I felt like that... I'm just waiting for the rest of the sermon about what the backup plan is should religion not fill your void. I feel the need for something but I just can't seem to find it, whether it be person, place, thing or belief. For the longest time I just thought it was because I was lacking in faith and I suppose that I was. But I was never a huge believer in anything. I believed in results, in what works, in what I could make work, and so on. I was always more into the spirituality thing but it always seemed wrong to look into following another culture's way. I found the superstitions were flat out ridiculous and that other beliefs that I tried just weren't satisfying. I even settled on Karma for the longest time, or at least what I'd like to think of as Karma. I like to believe that people that do bad things will be compensated according to their actions in some way and the same for vice versa. Probably the most childish of all belief systems, but also the most fundamental, simplistic, and closest to natural that I could find. Doing good in hope that others will follow suit and do good if not to you then to others. Hmm, don't think I ever came anywhere close to being a dedicated follower of Karma. You know, clapping away bad Chi, meditation, not eating animals, shaving the top of my head a monks life. The important thing was that I had something to believe in. I've discovered that when I look back on it, Karma is basically a religion based around Kindergarten's saying "Do onto others what you would have them do onto you" At least I think it was from Kindergarten. Probably the other way around though lol. I even thought I may have had something in common with Agnostics* for a while. I do but not in the sense where it is a religion. I've actually just now have hearby decided that religion as a principle should be banned. If you can't obey your rules (that morality if not law should be able to enforce) without the threat of eternal damnation/ bad karma/ whatever the fuck your Sally savior(s) or Christopher Christ(s) offer as punishment for when rules written in stone (literally) are broken, then you are obviously in serious need to revaluate your life. Damn ripping about religion again. Sorry believers, it's been a long day

Oh yeah... this post was done up long before it was posted... same work shift as Parentology actually. Just figured I'd keep my word about being the only attempt at being insightful for the week. that and I fugured that you guys would probably like a chance to read my blog and post before I push the entries off with more. So yeah... it's time for me to log. It's time to go home.

Agnosticism is the philosophical and theological view that spiritual truths, such as the existence of God, gods or deities, is either unknown or inherently unknowable. The term and the related agnostic were coined by Thomas Henry Huxley in 1869 and are also used to describe those who are unconvinced or noncommittal about the existence of deities as well and other matters of religion. The word agnostic comes from the Greek a (without) and gnosis (knowledge). Agnosticism is not to be confused wit

Signed off Tuesday 3:58 AM 06/21/05

Signed on Thursday 12:34 AM 06/30/05

So yeah... Party date is solidified, Saturday. Tho by now more than half the people have decidedly told me that they aren't coming. Ain't that always the way. Ahh well, if there aren't too many people I'll prolly fire up the grill if the weather is decent. I love barbequed food, it's by far the best way to eat meat, no offence vegetarians. So Yeah, if you're coming to the party show up sometime on Saturday, doesn't matter when, I should be home all day unless I do a liquor run which will leave Dave home. He's hospitable enough just don't give him a rough time or anything until I get there ok. Bring some bug Spray cause I live in the middle of nowhere, inside should be fine if it gets too bad. For anyone who doesn't know where I live.. I live on the parker road. To find this mysteriously hard to find road is located on the highway going from Miramichi to Fredericton. If you're coming from Miramichi you take a right and my house is number 191... Come on out, it'll be loads of fun, if I can get paid tomorrow so I can get my two four and couple of quarts. Not for me but I will be mixing some of Daves friend's some drinks for some interesting results... minors are funny drunks lol. I've decided that this weekend will be a sober one for me because I'd like to not fry myself on the barbeque this weekend. Out for now... time to go home.

Mark

PS~ number is 506-622-5052

Signed off Thursday 3:02 AM 06/30/05

Parentology

2005-06-23T18:35:00.000-03:00

The Offspring
Americana
Have You Ever

Falling, I'm falling

Have you ever walked through a room
But it was more like the room passed around you
Like there was a leash around your neck that pulled you through

Have you ever been at someplace
Recognizing everybody's face
Until you realized that there was no one there you knew
Well I know

Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind
Sleep forever
Some days, I'm so outshined and out of time
Have you ever

Falling, I'm falling

Have you ever buried your face in your hands
Cause no one around you understands
Or has the slightest idea what it is that makes you be

Have you ever felt like there was more
Like someone else was keeping score
And what could make you whole was simply out of reach
Well I know

Someday I'll try again and not pretend
This time forever
Someday I'll get it straight but not today
Have you ever

Falling, I'm falling

Some days, my soul's confined and out of mind
Sleep forever
Some days, my darkest friend is me again
Have you ever
Someday I'll try again and not pretend
This time forever
Someday I'll get it straight but not today
Have you ever

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to make the world be a better place

When the truth walks away
Everybody stays
Cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

So if you walk away
Who is gonna stay
Cause I'd like to think the world is a better place
I'd like to leave the world as a better place
I'd like to think the world

Lyrics dedicated to how it feels to have to back up and try again so many times, and still not be able to get things right.

Signed on Monday 7:26 PM 06/20/05

Soo here I am after a lousy weekend. This post is going to be written specifically for the purpose of being insightful and quite possibly with the purpose of finding something out so there will be no rants on this post... that one will come later and possibly on a different site/blog.

I've gotten my first hint that my parents are either getting smarter when it comes to getting me to do wht the ywant me to, that or they're genuinely worried about me when it comes to who I hang out with and what I do. I was going to head out this Saturday night with some friends when dad told me "I'd prefer that you didn't." I gave him the smartass remark that I would prefer if I did and got the lecture about how all I seem to do when I go out is drink. So not true first of all, I've been drunk once since I got back from university and it was only a quart and some of vodka... nothing terminal. But that's not the issue, the issue is that my parents have, for the first time, given me the choice. Dad told me that he was worried... about me and the people I was hanging out with and that he'd really appreciate it if I'd stay home just for tonight. My dad doesn't ask for many favors but when he does you know he's serious. Mother didn't even know about it because much to my dissapointment and that of my friends, I ended up not going out for my much needed stress relieving night out.

So yeah I think I did the right thing. That or was manipulated damn well lol. Dad isn't like that I don't think. Ever wonder about the motives of you parents? I know my dad's motives have always been for me to go out, learn from my own mistakes, learn from his too if I can and hopefully turn out to be an all right kid. This basically lead me to be very close to my dad with his endless storie that seemed to help so much with whatever problems I was having at the time I came to talk to him. He wasn't proud of all the things he told me, that much was obvious but he was always glad that they may be used to prevent similar events from happening to his children. Mom's motives have always been a mystery to me. I feel driven away from her every time I try to talk to her because she tried too hard. Her constructive critisism was always done in a way that left me feeling belittled so I was always lead to believe that her motives were solely bent on making my life miserable. I'm not complaining because lots of good things have come from it. Humility and how to deal with people complaining about how I am all the time. It really defined my character in the fact that while what people say will still and probably always bother me, it's no longer something that I worry about. I know that somewhere deep down that mom is really trying to make me a better person... she just has a longer way of doing it lol. And as most people who have nasty habits and strong, set albiet narrow frame of minds can claim, she comes by it honestly. Her parents are the exact same way... Makes me wonder what my future holds for me. Will I be like my dad and be open and there to offer advice when asked, slow to judge, temper, and action, and sometimes avoid confrontations at all costs. Or like my mother, there to show you her way, which is the right way, quick to action, temper, and judement of others, a crusader for what she believes is right. Both are admirable in their own right and I can see that now when I sit back from the looking glass. Doesn't mean that I'll stop bitching about either of them just because this is just one of those things. I respect them both and their separate approaches to life and their moral fiber that seems to be the only thing they have in common at the moment besides five children and a debt that should compare nicely to the American deficeit in the next few years after Candace comes back to Uni with me. So I guess what this post is all about is a challenge to take a step back from your life and how you feel about your parents, and look at them like you would anyone else. Think about what you're parents are like and where they got it from. You may be a little surprised that they aren't as bad as you once thought... of course they are still going to frustrate, agrivate, and antagonate (I mean -ise) you like they did before... but after you think about why they're doing what they are and what-not you'll be able to smile a little everytime. Because you understand a little better what they themselves may not even understand: why.

So yeah, there's my insightful speal for the week at the very least dedicated fully to anyone who can use it to useful ends. I'd like to hear a little bit about what you find or if it helps at all with the way you deal with your parents... I know it helped me quite a bit. This tip does come with a little bit of fine print tho.

Warning: While this is liable to work in some cases, if you let your parents know what you are doing they are either going to flip or make sure that it doesn't work by being unpredicably different from their norm. They're just like everyone else after all, they hate to think that anyone has them all figured out.

Well that's enough out of me...

Chris

Signed off Tuesday 2:39 PM 06/21/05

Signed on Tuesday 8:04 PM 06/21/05

Yay update on the party situation since you guys are so slow getting back to me about the party. Since most of you have either talked to me in person, on MSN I guess I'll just leave the info on the main site. The party happens either either Friday, July 1st or Saturday July 2nd. As it is I may wind up faking sick just to get the time off work to be there for you guys when the party happens lol... I have to wait 'til next Wednesday to know for sure. Feel free to drop in at any time.. almost. I'm not sure what my brother is working that weekend. Looks like my sister wont be staying home after all. Seems that ICT turned her down for a job. Fricking genious told them that she needed specific hours off so that she could facilitate to her day job. She works an hour a day at the pool as part of the swim team... way to throw away a three-hundred-bucks-a-week job for a fifty-bucks-a-week job. And she's going into business too lol. I should have a decision for you guys before too long... I'm thinking I'm going to call for a personal day on the first so make plans for that date. I'll see about getting some fireworks too, for the pyromaniac in us all. Those of you who can get me your money and order by Thursday night, your alcohol will be there for you when you arrive, otherwise byob. The party has moved to in the house because it is going to be cleaned... mom wanting to show off Canadace graduation achievements with a party for the ENTIRE family. That's huge, almost makes me jealous if there hadn't been a very serious reason for me not having a party for my grad. But yeah, not a whole lot has been happening on the Miramichi with me besides me finding out who it is that decides my shifts. It's a computer program called "The Blue Pumpkin." Next weeks shift has me convinced that it has overheard me saying bad things about it because it is by far, the worst work week imaginable to man (or woman). I think it's time to have halloween early this year, because the only think that blue pumpkin is good for is an ornament. Not soo bad now that I think that I'll have Friday off tho... mmm Friday, such a sweet sweet sound... except for this friday, where I get raped of my sleep time that I could have diligently spent playing video games in the cool basement. Stupid not being able to sleep. So yeah... I'm done, here's my Schedual from this Friday to party Friday, just to show you why Flex shift plus blue pumpkin is the obviously the combo for god's bastard child. Sorry so sacreligious.

June 24 - July 1
Friday 7:30 PM - 4:00 AM <--- ahhh only 7 hours
Saturday 11:00 AM - 7:30 PM <--- between shifts :'(
Sunday 1:30 AM - 9:00 PM
Monday Off
Tuesday Off
Wednessday 6:30 PM - 3:00 AM
Thursday 6:30 PM - 3:00 AM
Friday 6:30 PM - 3:00 AM

Nightmare in a box... my mail box that is. But it'll just make the party be that much more worth it I guess. Well I've gone on long enough. Out

Chris

PS~ Seems that I've attracted the attention of some of the people from work. My supervisor got the address for this site from me the other night so play nice kiddies. While having my cool supervisor see some of the things that get written on this site may not be appealing at times, it does sound a lot better than my mother finding any of it....*cough* tattoo *cough*. um yeah.. I'm gone

Signed off Wednesday 4:02 AM 06/22/05

Signed on Thursday 1:08 AM 06/23/05

So yeah, back because the access center was closed. I have to do all my Blog work on the computers there because dail up is the worst thing to try and post on... like trying to swim thru jello. Other than not being able to get on the computers some better things did happen since the last time I attempted to sleep (the terms today and yesterday are just getting to confusing to use, from here on out it will be refered to as a cycle). I got to spend time with Margarett and her sister-in-law Shilo again. For all those people who don't know, Marg is the mother of what I guess you could say my most serious ex. We (Marg and I) always got along more than I really expected to be able to get along with an adult given my past experiences. She's been having a hard time and I've very rarely gotten to talk to her in the last while but this cycle, on my way to work she and Shilo drove by and picked me up and took me for a drive. She made the usual jokes about how she was going to get me for being with (used to be present now it was past tense) her daughter and how she (Marg) was interested in who I was seeing now. I got to surprise Marg by saying no one tho, so it was most definately worth the momentary fear I felt when she told Shilo to get the bat after I had gotten in the car to see the look on her face at that moment. I got to catch up with some of the things that have happened since I lost contact, like how Brody and Justus have been doing, family stuff, Shilo's 11 day old child, how I haven't called either of them since before last summer, even tho I had talked to Marg for a half an hour the week I got back from Uni... ya know, stuff that parents talk about if they aren't the kind that treat those under the age of 25 like authority retarded morons. I think I'm going to invite them out to my party. Just because it would be funny to be the one to have to drive them home for once. Then again I wonder what Marg's daughter would say... lol. Obviously playing with fire on that one. Oh yeah I didn't mention that I'm staying sober for my party just in case I need to drive people home. That and I'd like to remember on how to make my party better next time around. Well that's pretty much all I have to say for now. Off again Off again.

PS congrats Candace on your graduation ceremony this cycle, you looked great in your gown no matter what you think of that "stupid hat" and I know that you've made mom really proud with your achievements in high school.

Chris

Closing thoughts: There's only one thing that pisses a cynic off more than another cynic and that's an optimist.

Something to smile about:
Picture Jesus and his disciples playing Xbox at the last supper;
Disciple: "Jesus, Judas is team fragging again."
Jesus: "Judas stop being such a dick"

Signed off Thursday 3:56 AM 06/23/05

ICT Talk

2005-06-16T16:28:00.000-03:00

The Offspring
Dammit, I Changed Again

Hey, come inside
While I stand here acting bold
Can’t stand to feel this way
Clear out the cobwebs in my soul

This time I turn around
Things have changed
Now I don’t feel the same

Start a fight
I cant defend
One more time
Damnit I changed again

Now I don’t see
Things the way I did before
Cant stand to feel this way
Things important yesterday
Dont matter anymore
It doesnt make any sense
To feel so different day to day
Cant stand to feel this way
When nothings changed except for me

This time I turn around
Things have changed
Now I don’t feel the same, yeah
Start a fight, kick a fit
One more time
Dammit, I changed again

Next time i...

Next time I turn around
Things have changed
Now I don’t feel the same, yeah
Start a fight, kick a fit
One more time
Dammit, I changed again

This time I turn around
Things have changed
Now I don’t feel the same, yeah
Start a fight, kick a fit
One more time
Dammit, I changed again

I see it

Lyrics dedicated to how I feel right now. Seems I can't just stay fixed in the way I think for any long periods of time. I feel like I'm berfit of moral fiber or basic understanding of right and wrong. I can see things from "both sides of the fence" as the saying goes and I can argue most points given the facts. I just can't find which one is the right one. Oh well, I guess one plus is that it lets me weigh my options without predjudice.

Warning:
For the purpose of people becoming bored or are otherwise in a hurry, all further non-nescesarry infomation such as lyrics, hidden meanings, insults and rants will put in Italics for the sole purpose of reading them when you are in a good mood that will allow you to fully appreciate the puns, hatred and idiocy inspired violent behavior that will eventually lead to the downfall of my mental stability. This is a state that I believe will become contagious sometime in the near to distant future if the proper steps are not taken to limit exposure , similar to the way ADD was in elementary.

Update:
Sorry guys I know how much you all hate seeing me going post crazy sometimes and two large posts in such a short time must really be killing you. You'll all be glad to know that the weekend for the party has been narrowed down. Unfortunately due to rapidly changing shift's *plays with newly sharpened popsicle stick* (anyone who doesn't know what the popsicle thing is refering to should definately catch up by reading my last blog) I can't tell you what day exactly. The party will be taking place some time between Thursday June, thirtieth and Sunday, July third I think. The host list has also tentatively grown by one. For all the people from University, this may be your first chance to meet and party with my sister. She just recently got a job and is going to be working so she may end up missing East Coast and staying home. She's got the worst job ever.... ICT!!! Yeah I work there too so I can't laugh, but I work for the equifax section, she works for Rogers. The difference? Oh about two dollars an hour, an awesome incentive program and the enjoyment of getting to see Canadian superiority in action as I see how small words placed together in a simple fashion can still confuse the average American. I mean seriously... if you get an email saying that the balance on your credit card has gone up by two-hundred dollars, why the fuck would you need to call me at three in the morning to see what that meant? Seriously. How can me saying (notice how it's the exact same as above) "that the balance on your credit card has gone up by two-hundred dollars" be any more self explainatory than what you just read? Gene pool bottom feeders... no wonder Bush got back into office, you probably thought you were voting for yourself to get cheep whores or something.

Okay... that's enought of that rant... the italisizing has gotten old already, every man, woman) for themselves in terms of exposure form here on out. Amazing what a guy with too much time on their hands will do to occupie themselves isn't it? I have tomorrow off work so I imagine that I will spend it in the garage with my father (Mark Sr. I guess since I'm going by my middle name for the rest of the summer. lol. More like americans already... help I've been infected) doing something that I've found that I really enjoy. Building stuff. Mind you it may be just because I'm thinking that the faster I'm done the sooner I'll have a place to have this party that I'm planning on. The house is too small with all the junk that's in there for me to throw one of any proportions there. The garage needs to be finished. The Xbox and big screen are obviously going to have to be moved. Dave is going to have to learn how to pick good music. The strobe light will have to learn how to be a black light at the same time. Candace will have to learn how to not be a stick in the mud and continuously retreat to her bf's place all the time. Tami will have to be told that her keys are going to be tied to my wrist until she's sober enough to untie them.Melissa is going to have to be kept away from getting my brother high. Wow I have a lot to do. Some of it will obviously be more fun than others... I'm sure that I will have to enlist the superior supervisory skills of J-Roc to keep an eyes on Tam in case of intoxication or other evidence of being fucked up, and to promptly bring her van keys to me should the signs that I'm sure he's familar with show themselves. Sorry Tam but I can't have you going out and smashing yoruself up again kiddo, deal with it. People around here are curious about the people I talk about all the time from Uni so I'm really lookijng forward to seeing some of you guys down here. I think the only person I got a possitive response from as of yet is Melissa, given that she'll probably bring a car load with her at the very least anyway. It's 2 in the morning and I'm at work so I'm just going to stop now because I'm going to fall asleep now. Ah the luxuries of the night shift: Sleep for hours on end only to be interupted by the ocasional comedy act of fools that can't take things at face value. I'll probably continue this after I get home and decide that I'm not going to sleep anymore tonight. Be right back

Signed off 1:59 AM 06/16/05

Signed on 8:03 PM 06/17/05

Ug... One day off in a row is soo not enough with a job like this. Thank god I get my Monday to Friday shift back at only slightly insane hours. The schedual guy is slowly getting himself out of a position where I feel like retiring him early at the wrong end of a popsicle. The party garage has gotten closer to being finished thanks to large efforts by everyone, except mom and Candace. I hate to say it but Candace likes working in the kitchen way too much. I guess she's just one of those seemingly rare people in recent years that aren't into fighting stereotypes. Females in the kitchen and males in the garage... Who would have thought that my family would have met a stereotype?

So yeah welcome to ICT talk, not really but if I start bitching about stupid americans again it's because I got a really dumb one on the phone. Speaking of dumb I think I just raised the bar... I just got asked if I could stay until six in the morning instead of four, that's not the dumb part tho. That would be the fact that I'm actually considering it. Kinda sad considering I can't spend any of the money I'm earning here. Not a thing to do with it on the 'Chi. Movies get old (Mr & Mrs Smith looks really good right now tho), fireworks get me in trouble (but I could definately use the excitement and the exercise of running courtesy of Miramichi PD) and I can probably safely say that the only other thing to do would be drugs and I'm not exactly that desparate yet. So right now I am officially looking for suggestions for hobbies. Dad's kind of got me interested in knife craft but I'm looking for a few options, you all know how I love to bite off more than I can chew so I can not finish anything. I told dad that the best thing he could ever give me was a hand crafted knife that he let me design. He loves making stuff so he said yes... he even said he give me the full deal, ebony handle and all. So if anyone wonders why I'm drawing knives it's not because I'm obsessed with them nor am I planning anything you should be nervous about... I'm just experimenting with how some of my ideas look and seeing whether they'd be practical, cool or just plain scary.

Scary like this night is... it's 1:16 in the morning and there are still like 15 people in queue. For fuck sakes people, it's Friday night/Saturday morning. The sanest person I've talked to was the drunk moron because at least he had the common sense to go out and have a good time before calling a company that deals with the most sobering thing you can deal with in the States (I'm serious... you can't even get an apartment without a good credit report). Serious stuff is for Sunday... you're already pissed that the weekend is over so obviously you're not going to kill any buzz, alcoholic or otherwise, by finding out that your life is going to suck because you can't pay your bills on time (because you don't remember who to pay them to).

Okay, from here on out I pretty much just babble on about nothing but it was kinda funny when I read it back to myself at the time so I decided not to erase it... Hope you guys get a kick out of my thoughts after more than 40 hours of no sleep.

Okay... rant one of the day and it's only been today for 2 hours. Such a lovely start... Tam if you don't save me tomorrow (or later today as the case may be) with something very interesting in a non sexual way I swear that I am going to thrash that fucking bejesus out of some poor bastard, probably Brandon. He's so inocently annoying in a way that only a child living out his childhood in normal fashion can aggrivate someone that never had one, could be; but I swear to god if he crosses me tomorrow (today) all this stress is going to come down on his head... or maybe I'll just come down on one of these idiots that are calling at 5 in the morning and get fired for causing a lawsuit against my company of employment. Hmmm, stress related violent tendancies... yep, most certainly time to bend my own rules. Break out the purple haze. Nature's almost completely natural cure for ulcers. But when you think about it, isn't weed better than drinking? No nasty hangovers, no doing things you regret that you can never remember... well not as bad as with drinking anyway. And best of all, when was the last time you saw someone who got in a fight with someone because they were stoned? But I sure do like pie. Given my current state of mind I really don't think that staying up when I get home would be such a good idea. But I hear that when you're exhuasted you get drunk that much faster... something about there not being much oxygen in your blood to begin with I remember hearing somewhere. I just don't want to pass out halfway thru tomorrow night. 4:17... less than two hours left. Yes I did decide to take the extra 2 hours on my shift. Figured I could use another twenty in my wallet. I wonder how much I'm shortening my life span right now by exposing myself to sleep deprevation for the entire summer? Makes you think sometimes... maybe you make more money, but is it worth the time you lose. The time I lose here will make my time at University more enjoyable so it's almost comforting to say that I'm making the greatest effort possible to get back to Uni. It's right up there in my list of priorities along with resisting the urges to send the people that call me screaming bloody murder and lawsuit threats on a one way trip to credit nightmare by telling them that it appears that they have filed bankruptcy two months ago. Hmm, to get the rest of my education from behind bars... what would that be like? HOMESCHOOL lol. The things that come out of my head at 4:47 in the morning. Makes even me want to shake my head, that gives me a headache which leads me to take my tylenol which for some reason was recently made to taste like candy (mmm easy tabs. Sugary goodness). I think making any kind of drug taste like candy is a huge mistake. Like handing a small child fasinated with *shinies© a sharp knife of some kind. Don't know why but I just got this funny picture in my head of the crocodile hunter looking bewildered and saying, "oh no, danger danger, that's baid baid news." But yeah I should prolly go get some sleep, my supervisor isn't looking this way yet. I think this will get posted today (Saturday) sometime but with the way things are going you can never tell. I'm out for now. Keep youselves sane so I wont feel like I'm missing out on my brethren if I can't get back to Freddy lol. I bid you good morning as the sun rises in the office window.

Mark

PS~ I'm thinking of having a separate blog for my rants about work... it seems that I'm recieving a lot of buzz from the people at work that see me working on these and I'm curious if it wouldn't be beneficial to separate the two. This of course would mean that the posts would most likely be farther and fewer in between on both but where as I'm writing at work now as well as at home I think that could be ironed out in time. As usual I'm looking for a little feedback on what my readers think.
Signed off 5:38 AM 06/18/05

*The word "Shinies©" and all associated meanings including, but not restricted to, "an object of excessive reflectivity, luminiesence, brilliance or is otherwise attractive" are a register trademark of the Doug Hall Though Process Corp. For full details please inquire at his blog at insomniacramblings.blogspot.com

Party

2005-06-14T16:36:00.000-03:00

Sum 41
Chuck (Bonus Track)
Noots

today is too late
how long do we have to wait
oh no, i think she knows
that's why i can't let go
i feel this burning inside
a feeling that no one should know
this could be so good again
i'd wait here till then
but not with this
so now i'll leave with

no apologies
i never thought you'd be so
easily deceived
now i'll just hang my head
I'm falling further out of place
while I walk with the dead
All the lies I can't erase
I'll just hang my head

we're mad with regret
memories that we'll both forget
so far it's been so hard
to cover up these scars
i see this falling apart
it's easy to just let it go
no luck between us both
so i keep waiting
but not with this
so now i'll leave with

no apologies
i never thought you'd be so
easily deceived
now i'll just hang my head (i'm falling further out of place)
while I walk with the dead (all the lies I can't erase)
i'll just hang my head

what's left to show
it's so bad but i got to know
what's right don't know
how to find it out on my own

one by one we all fall down
who's the first one to hit the ground now
what's worse to kick or fall
or be suss standing alone
ill keep your promises if you
take back every thing i said
i find its got so cold now
that i've lost my heart and soul

no apologies
i never thought you'd be so
easily deceived
now i'll just hang my head (i'm falling further out of place)
while I walk with the dead (all the lies I can't erase)
i'll just hang my head

hang my head

Lyrics dedicated to nothing... download the song and listen to it and you'll understand. It's just an awesome song.

So... I had a very interesting Friday night to rival those at University (Sorry gang) thanks to someone who is quickly beginning to earn more trust from me than I was willingly going to give her at first. The week was less than disirable too so a good night out was definately welcome. I wound up helping Tami babysit for the first while and that actually turned out to be a lot more fun than I intended. We also observed that children will almost always listen to males more readyily than females. Roughly translated this means that when Tami had trouble gettting them to do stuff, I told them to do the exact same thing and they went and did it. It was fun to play airplane with little kids again and be attacked, or strangled by a nine-year-old and two-year-old child. Apparently I earned some "points" in trust from Tami, but her parents still hate me lol.

It really got me out of the bad mood I was in from the rest of the week, I was kind of grumpy because one of my friends is getting treated like trash because she decided to say out in the open what all parties involved were saying in private. Not only that, but now she's being told off for saying things behind people's backs when it was all out in the open, but then again these acusations are being made by a less than understanding or peace seeking individual. I mean even I know that when it comes right down to it, when chicks are pissed at each other, let them fight it out because it has nothing to do with you. That or you could throw yourself in the middle of them and have them both pissed at you lol. That and I kinda started out with a negative attitude because I just got my work schedual for the next week. Work scheduals at ICT are decided by senority. The way senority works is that the people that have been hired after you have lower senority. Those with higher senority are given first choice of shifts. I Choose to go with a flex shift plan (my shift changes from week to week) so that the seventeen training classes coming thru after me would push up my senority faster so as to get me my good shifts earlier. Last week I was so happy to get off my seven 'til three-thirty in the morning shift to have my ten in the morning 'til six-thirty shift and figured that it was due to three training classes coming on to the phones and pushing up my senority. Now I am once again on a bad shift. Not only bad but worse than before. Seven-thirty 'til four in the morning. I swear to god I could slit the throat of the person that is toying with my work schedual with a popsicle stick. If I wasn't getting paid ten dollars an hour to sleep the night away I think I would go stir crazy. But Work hadn't been all bad to me, I did get my Lotus Notes. Lotus Notes is basically the godsend of ICT that saves the ass of people who aren't all knowing supervisors. It has a database that has what I have to do in every individual case of fraud, irrate cx (cx = consumer, yay for shorthand, slackers paradise) and who can forget the ever pleasant lawsuit threats. It also includes an up to date schedual for the week, which in turn allows me to add events as I see fit. That along with an address book, a to do list, and the most important part Lotus to every rep in ICT: Email!!!! Now I get to write to people and keep in touch instead of just sleeping and listening to Americans bitch about how I'm ruining their credit from my office in Atlanta GA (Where I have to say that I'm from). Unfortunately it only works if I send the emails to someone inside the Equifax section ICT

After The babysitting we went out and got a bunch of people and a handful of fire works together and had a fun time running from the police as a result. Then after sometime down by the river we decided to go sit on the roof of one of the nearby appartment complex's. We attract a little too much attention I guess because the fuzz showed up shortly after we got there. We got a nice rake over the coals and some personal info taken down by one of the boys in blue who seemed to be having a bad day. Seriously, who wouldn't be smiling after seeing a handful of kids drunk on the roof of a nearby house. I mean come on, what a hard ass, not even a smirk. after that we went to chatham and had some drunk old guy stumble up to us and tell us he was drunk and that he needed to walk home. He continued this conversation with himself long after we had drove the van away and left him standing there in the parking lot. After that we went and sat down at the warf and sobered up... well kinda, I ended up having a race to see who could roll down the hill faster and then having my competitor, whom I still say that I beat hands down, come and try to kick my ass. Drunken people shouldn't fight I guess, trying to make other people fall when you yourself are not having such an esy time standing should be more of a well known dumb decision. I have to say that the best part of the night had to be that we didn't get caught for shooting off fireworks in the field next to my old high school (apparently very illegal) but we got our names and numbers taken down, in an intimidating manner I might add, for sitting on the roof of an apartement complex. That along with the fact that I didnt get excessively drunk again. Probably because there was only Rum being passed around. Not a fan.

The morning after wasn't too bad either besides being awoke only four hours after getting home (at 4am). I spent the morning with my siblings, cleaning out the garage and finding all kinds of cool stuff that I plan on using in the near future. Things like my dads complete weight set, his knife making set (awesome) along with some ideas for knife designs that would be absolutely amazing and we didn't even get halfway thru. I'm going to be so incredibly sore tomorrow because my lazy ass actually had to do work where I spent the four hours after that putting the cieling up. Aftrer so many hours of me getting plywood screwed down over my head I told dad that I expected to be allowed to hold parties in the garage as payment. He smiled, laughed but he never said no lol. Sooo who wants to come visit? Make plans for the weekend just befoer July first. Parents are gone and you'll get to meet the best brother anyone could ever have. Everyone's leaving for East Coast Champs (swimming) in Halifax and Dave (Matthew) and I are getting left behind because we work. The place is open and with five people not going to be there think of all the extra space should some of you need a place to stay 'til you have to leave. Tami is going to be there for some of it as well tho so watch out, I know from experience that she's very good at getting people into troublesome situations (sorry Tam, couldn't help it). I also spent a couple hours before I had to go in to work at seven-thirty on Saturday (Work on the weekends? *grumbles while sharpening a popsicle stick*) just walking around town and looking out over the water at the warf. It was most certainly a beautiful day. I think I'm surprising myself again, Miramichi may have changed a lot since I left but you know what? I think I like it more, It's easier to appreciate the beauty of it after you think of what lies underneath it... kinda like seeing the calm between storms and knowing that you may be caught up in the next one. Leaves you with a feeling of excitement, along with good and bad anticipation. I'm glad to be home. And I guess that as long as when the police officer that took my name and address down comes to visit me sometime when my mother isn't home I'm sure that it'll stay that way lol.

Soo about the party, All are welcome you could say. If you have the money, time and inclination to drink, listen to tunes, and perhaps attend a very limited rave (No E unless I get some serious advance notice, this is the Miramichi, not Toronto) University gang you are most certainly welcome, Melissa make sure the people that don't read this blog (Doug, Pete, Julz, etc.) know about this. Kera if you can keep yourself out of the hospital long enough you can come too and bring some of your guy friends as well. Tami and co. feel free to drop in for an indiscriminate amount of time as long as you promise not to start any trouble lol. I would also like to invite the locals (CG, Maj, AJ, KW etc.) as long as your parents are cool with it and don't decide to crash it. Tell them it's a grad party or something. Just so you all know this will be Dave's first party experience so you all know what that means... we're getting him so trashed. So you may want to stay sober until after that happens just so we can enjoy it more lol. What I'm going to ask you to do is if you are interested in coming I'd like RSVP's, either leave comments on this link blog or email me at Cykil92102@Hotmail.com, and be sure to include your email address just so I can keep you all updated as to what is happening. No address, no details, that simple. Feel free to leave the addresses for your friends if they are planning on coming and I'll just add them to my mailing list. That's all for now. Out

Mark

Delightfully Delusional

2005-06-07T19:39:00.000-03:00

The Used
Let It Bleed

This poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scab and picked the bleeding
and assumed that it was all in vain
A positive scab that's never healing
Calloused hit me in the face
A burning bridge that's so misleading
Poison's more potent now with the flame

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing

The fire department couldn't drown the city
They didn't even try to wash it clean
And what did you think that I was sober?
Put me out cause I'm on fucking fire
A positive scab that's never healing
Regret that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying
It's not a lie if you can let it sing

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing!

Ohoh you might wanna sing
Ahaha you might wanna sing
Hahah you might wanna sing
Hahahaha sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing or scream at...

This poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
Picked the scab and picked the bleeding
And yeah.. assumed that it was all in vain

Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth, woah
Watch the fire
I'mma fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying, You might wanna sing
Hahaha You might wanna sing
Haha You might wanna sing

Lyrics dedicated to me I guess... some things are just meant to be left alone and left to bleed out. Just let it bleed, and let me do what I have to.

I seem to be having a lot of times in the last few days where I've looked at something once and saw something that really interested me and then when I go back to look at it again later I realise that it was nothing special. I hate it when things turn out that way... it gets your hope up for nothing. Then again when I really think about it for the time before you looked into it I can say that it did feel good to have something to look forward to... it almost makes me understand people who live in a world where nothing is real but what they make up in their minds. Wouldn't it be nice to sacrifice your sanity for the simple pleasing life of imagination made real? Just think... everyone would be happy, of course you would have to come to reality for work so that you could make the money required to survive but after that you could be, do, think, say anything that you wanted to be. The ojnly thing you'd have to forfeit would be common sense, and of course any shred of logic abiding sanity that you owned. You think that with so much to gain with the cost not climbing into the category where it requires the lives of innocents more people would choose insanity over reality where what each person wants is peace which can "only" be achieved by fighting for it... gag. Makes me not want to think anymore. Homicidal rampages, murders, high school shootings, all bad for the catastrophic loss a handful of individuals and the tides of blood wash over another country so far away is cheered as the savior of freedom from a world of people that would do so much less. Guess the saying is true, "one death is a tragedy, one million deaths is a statistic."

So yeah, let me know what you guys think. Have I finally step off into water far over my head, or do you think I already have something here. Keep me up to date. Out

92102

News from the 'Chi

2005-06-01T18:05:00.000-03:00

Sum 41
There's No Solution

maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here
maybe I'd find out nothing new
maybe I'd end up just like you

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (my confusion)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

this constant pressure that keeps hanging over me
it makes me feel so empty
it's more than anything that I could ever be
what else could you take from me
it's getting harder to relate
don't want to make the same mistakes

there's no solution (no solution)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (my confusion)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

it took me so long to find out it's right
there in front of me
too close to see
what I thought was true
I see right through what's killing you

there's no solution (I can see)
give me truth to my conviction
is my own confusion (that I feel)
reality or fiction
am I out of my mind

so maybe nothing else will ever be so clear
or maybe that's only my fear (am I out of my mind)
if just for one day I wish I could disappear
just take me far from here (am I out of my mind)

Lyrics dedicated to everyone. Tho when I try I cannot see why.

so things are ok here I guess. Not a whole lot going on of late so I'm bored. well except my drastically exciting job (sarcastic woohoo) and its ability to keep me endlessly entertained. I hate working nights... if I didn't get an extra dollar an hour for it I would start looking for ways to get put on days. Night shift does have its perks tho, and by night shift I mean seven 'til three-thirty in the morning; the extra dollar is nice and I can pretty much do anything I want in the forty-five minutes in between calls where I would normally just twiddle my thumbs or ace solitaire, freecell, minesweeper (expert in one-hundred-and-fifty seconds baby, new high score), and of course who can forget space cadet pinball. I've actually resorted to making my job more challenging by putting my headphones on and leaving them on all night, including for calls. I guess it's working because I've made more sales since I started this lol. So yeah, I've been told that I have sold my morals by trying to sell people things. I like to think of it more as survival, to keep my job I need a twenty-five percent sales rate. But then again I do get incentives (ie. cash) for every sale I make. Right now I think I made fifty some odd dollars extra this month. Money for the next tattoo. Yeah I'm giving up drinking for the summer so that I can get the next one, right now I'm researching it a bit because I'm going to need to find a way to get English translated to Hebrew, and I do mean the traditional Hebrew writing. Speaking of tattoos, I never did fill you guys in on the story behind the tattoo I already have.

I actually got the idea from a chinesse legend-turned-bedtime-story. The story of the lone wolf, which originated from the chinesse legend of the white wolf. The wolf has always ben respected within the chinesse culture

The legend goes that the white wolf was the only wolf who lived alone. He was wise and the clan he had been with had wanted him to be the leader but the only way to become leader was to defeat the one that was currently in charge in combat. The leader was a close friend of the white wolf and he also respected the way he lead the clan. So instead of usurping his friend and exiling him as all overthrown chiefs were, the white wolf choose exile himself. One day the white wolf's friend, the leader of his former pack came to him seeking advice. While the white wolf was glad to see his friend again he was also distressed at what his friend had done. As leader of the pack, to talk to an exile was a great dishonour. After receiving the advise from the white wolf the leader asked the white wolf to leave a mark on it's back, to show that it had come to him for help. When asked why he would want to do this the leader responded that the wisdom to help his clan had not come from him and so he had no right to claim that it had. The mark left by the white wolf would serve as a reminder of the humility it took to be a good leader and seek out aid when his responsbilities required it of him. And so it came to pass that the white wolf was often sought after for advise by many cheifs, and always the mark was left. It reminded the clans that their leaders were just wolves too and were falible just like them. But the largest reminder to the clans the symbol meant was that the leader knew and accepted that he would sometimes need help, and that while his responsabilities were his own, there was always those more wise that he could ask for direction should he lose his way. The mark also served as a reminder to those who bore it that there was always someone they could turn to for help, no matter how bad the situation.

There ya go, the legend of the white wolf, or the story of the lone wolf, depending on which way you hear it. Yeah so I was reading thru some translated Hebrew readings and got an idea for my next tattoo. Still working on getting the story behind it so I wont spoil the surprise. Besides... none of you have even seen my first tattoo yet lol. Why Hebrew, because I have a thing for foriegn languages, so sue me. Other than that you'll just have to wait and see.

I'm thinking that I'm going to have to save up so I can get my bike quick tho... I'm being worked 'til super late at night by ICT and then when I get picked up I either get bitched for thirty minutes by mom as she drives me home or I feel bad for making dad get up and get me because he gets little enough sleep as it is. I'm thinking that it would be better that until I get my motor bike I should spend the hour before and after work on my bicycle, it would save mom the years off her life she shaves off every time she tries to talk to me and ends up stressing out over something, and it would save dad a bad day at work from lack of sleep. Prolly be a good idea to get my lazy ass out and do something anyway lol. I'm clearing three hundred a week now anyway so it wont be long before I get to buying the bike... uhhhhh, something that belongs completely to me that can get me places. Quite possibly the best feeling in the world. All you people who have your own cars understand what I'm talking about. For me it's not having to rely on my parents for transport anymore, I live in the middle of nowhere and a taxi to town is something like twenty-five to thirty bucks, and making friends with cars come get me every time is not very polite of me lol. Oh yeah, another drug bust in the area surrounding Miramichi area since my last post. Keeping the tabloids busy that's for sure. Well I can't think of anything too new and interesting, I'll post about it later if there is.

PS ~ I found out that by calling my brother by his middle name (dave) I piss my mother off extremely. So he's going to call me by my middle name and I'm going to do the same for him for the rest of the summer. Good times right there lol. You know your bored when.... So yeah, that would be a key indicator that you can come visit at any time.

Out
Mark

Just A Little Bit Inebriated - Ok Down Right Smashed

2005-05-31T18:02:00.000-03:00

My Chemical Romance
Helena

Long ago
Just like the hearse you died to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst to take, from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like a blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very heart you sold
And what's the worst you take, from every heart you break
And like a blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Well if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend
To leave, and then,
we'll meet again,
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Well if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long not goodnight

Soooo... My friday is full of holes and and it's never felt better. It's nice to go out and get drunk again and have some unadulterated fun with dangerous materials. I have a new appreciation for fireworks thats for sure. Other than that the only new thing that has happened is that I've gotten back in touch with a friend from high school. It was nice to talk to her again after three years of not talking. My bad again as usual lol. Seems like things are getting back to being comfortable in my home town. I'm adjusting to the rapidly vanishing hometowny feeling I used to get and finding out who the friends to hang out with and party with are. I'll be in good drinking form when I return to University and Tami is helping me with my drunken stumbling too so I'll be able to walk a lot better too lol. Thanx for the drive home Tam but you shouldn't have volunteered for the nice little side trip tho lol. All good I guess... may J-roc not be scared for life by what happened on the way home. Next time I'll try to make it up my own steps on the first try.

Here's the daily update, mother is back to usual. The double edged knife that may be is still a welcome one. While I am back to handling a bitch at least I know how to handle this side of her. Familiarity over comfort, who would have thought I'd be that kind of person. I liked it knida being able to talk to my mother and not having her shoot down whatever my opinion was at the moment. almost like what I see norms going with for parents. Almost nice, until I realized it was my mom. She came back from her weekend away with a vengence and I had my narrow minded, slightly curved caretaker back. Now once again dad is the only one I can talk to and I avoid the other, the routine is restablished.

So anyway, give me your opinion on either old friends or choosing between familiarity and comfort. Keep me posted, miss you all.

Impounded for the week at ICT
Chris

Warning: Sharp Curve Ahead

2005-05-23T16:09:00.000-03:00

Lab 1: Parental Phyciatric Instability
Problem:
Ok... so it seems that I may have screwed myself by putting news of my tattoo on my blog. Seems that since I've been asking to go online so much at home to, "update my blog," mom has begun to take interest in this collection of my thoughts (WTF). So I'm a little nervous and not only because she'll cut the tattoo from my body if she finds out I got it lol.

Observations:
Is it just me or has my mother finally lost it... she's acting like she has multiple personalities or something (gag lol). One second she's jumping down my throat for something simple like listening to my Discman in the car when she's driving, and the next she's showing genuine interest in my thoughts and how I express them to the world. And I mean genuine as in asking for the URL for this site so she could read up on what I think, feel and say. I think I could scream. For all those who have no clue of what I am talking about and are considering passing my name on to the big men with the white, tight coat in their hands, I can only tell you to watch the movie that is now out in theaters "Monster In Law." This movie will give you a quite a bit of insight into the kind of person my mother really is. She's nuts. If it doesn't help her in some way, somehow further her goals of self-righteousness or gain her favor in her ongoing crusade against the evils of changing society (ie. punk music, self liberation, democracy inside the family, prefering to drink coke, etc.) then she either ignores that it exists or adds it to her list of things to make non-existent or looked down upon by a larger number of people that do now. Wow, I just realized that I just screwed myself more... lol. Oh well, I'll just give her the wrong URL.

Predicted Solution:
If her interest persists, I assume that I will have to resort to making an additional blog to have all my politically correct posting material go up on.

Predicted Results:
This may even make things easier for you readers that are sick of seeing personal ideas not at all related to any kind of tangible thought process that could be understood by anyone; other than another young adult with the blessing of greater insight on the "not quite all there mind" due to a slight neurotic parental gaurdian. Ummm that narrows the readers that understand and enjoy this blog down tooooo.... 2 that I am sure of. Cyns and Ashley. lol. Just Kidding.

Conclusion:
On the plus side of things, this (being my mother beginning to take interest in something that is outside of her world and control) could be a sign to those who read this blog for the above reasons that their slighty curved caretakers are not always beyond hope. That or I am seeing things and am inspired by false hope once more lol. Although they will most likely never listen to you when you try to help them, it seems that when your age is more than half of theirs, parents seem to stop treating you like half a person. Who knew.

Discussion:
In the past weeks, my mother has show vast improvement to her behavior at times. She is no longer claiming that I am on drugs for inconclusive reason, like buying a lighter or accusing everyday actions or comments as attacks on her person. She is however acting worse in some cases, forced communion with family in pointless situations like car rides where all she does is talk about how much she disapproves of certain peoples behavior, thoughts or actions. I think that in reality, the cause for the behavior of many self sufficient and unenlightened parental gaurdians today isn't that their chidren don't listen to them, it because no one listens to them, and as their children we can be forced to listen if them get desparate enough. We are the last sign of power they have, they can tell us what to do, make us listen to what they have to say etc. How many people listen to your parents outside of the house?

Evaluation:
These conclusions may have been thrown off by the simple fact that my mother of unsound mind or body. These results and conclusions were achived thru years of being subject the behavior of an ecentric originator.

LOL. For those of you who have long since forgotten highschool science labs, this blog entry was writen to resemble the lab write-ups that I was made to do after every single lab. Obviously I'm missing my science classes, or maybe just work in general. Either way the only way for me to slove the problem this time is to get back to Uni lol. I spend my time at work right now just waiting for a call to come thru. I think I wait about thirty to sixty minutes between calls most times. Then again what kind of people call in at midnight to get a credit report? Already made about an extra hundred bucks in sales incentives this month off of those same idiots so I guess it isn't all bad. Well speaking of work.. it's time for me to head out. Hope you all got a kick out of this weeks post. Give me your ideas about the usual... that means just about anything. I'm looking for the persons blog that did the remake of the declaration of independance so if any of you know which one that is I'd really appreciate it if you'd pass that on to me thx.

Out

PS~ Christine, a friend of a friend lost, is having a hard time... she wrote a blog about it and I'd really appreciate it if you guys would give her some encouragement. Thanks

The Lone Wolf

2005-05-22T17:21:00.000-03:00

This is a picture of the tattoo I got done on friday... Except they are both black

Lol I'm working on writing up a little blurb on what they mean. It should be done by the end of the week so I'll just add it here. Keep interested lol... When Julaine gets the pictures emailed to me I'll show you guys what it looked like right after I got it done too. Out for now, Time for work.

Chris

Tattoo Is On... Pics Soon

2005-05-21T11:06:00.000-03:00

My chemical Romance
Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
Thank You For Your Venom

Sinister I'm not much
I'm followed by a criminal
And you never had a chance
Love it or leave it
you can't understand
A pretty face
but you do so carry on
and on and on and on

I wouldn't choose to be seen with you baby
I'm just a wave at the dark and mayday
on and on and on and on

Love is the red that grows on your coffin door
What's life like bleeding on the floor
the floor the floor the floor

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleave
Give me you reason to believe
So give me all you poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something that you'll never kill
If this is what you want then fire at will

Try all you want
But who's gonna save me
I keep a gun in the book you gave me
haleluia life alone

Black is the the kiss
The touch of the serpent son
It ain't the mark in sky that makes you run
and run and run and run

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleave
Give me you reason to believe
So give me all you poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something that you'll never kill
If this is what you want then fire at will

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleave
You want to follow something
Give me your burden
Gasoline
Just give me what I need
Give me you reason to believe
So give me all you poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something that you'll never kill
If this is what you want then fire at will

So give me all you poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something that you'll never kill
If this is what you want then fire at will

I appologise if some of these lyrics are incorrect, My Chemical Romance, is a fairly new band and it is difficult to find lyrics for their songs online. These lyrics dedicated to those who once called themselves friends and friends of friends, who think what they say, think, do, or threaten to do will phase me in the least. There's nothing you can do to change the who I am, the way I act, or the person I will someday become. So bring your worst... I am ready.

Personal News:
Well so it seems that I have a sexy phone voice. I sold more products today than anyone else. Sure I only sold five products but most people didn't sell any. Not bad for my second day I guess. I'm having fun, I must say. I'm told that after I get over the novelty of talking to people with a headset it'll get very drug out and boring. Don't doubt it either. I am amused by the simple things if nothing else, which brings me to the topic of my blog. Is it better to be wise and planning ahead or simple and near sighted?

I know that obviously being wise and having common sense will help you succeed in life and lead to over all enlightenment. It is the obviously to those concerned with the betterment of mankind, helping oneself and others, and improving the overall well-being of society the best choice for anyone would be to be wisdom over idiocrity; But have you ever looked at stupid people. I don't mean to make fun of them or anything like that, I mean actually look at them. I've noticed that over all they seem to be happier than those of the smarter group. Those of simpler minds find themselves on average happier beca
use they don't think about the big picture. I can imagine what that's like and wish that for one second that I could stop all my worrying about the future and just enjoy what is in front of me to the fullest. My Dad is no simpleton, in fact he's taught me a great deal of what I know today. Yet one thing he has always told me was, "Make your plan and forget it. If all you do is think about what is to come next you'll never be able to appreciate what has already happened or what is happening right now. I don't think I really understood then and I'm pretty sure that I don't understand completely now but I think I know what he was getting at. Dad likes his simple life, the bad guys are at his work and goes in each time to get money. He comes home and sleeps, helps his kids, and enjoys some quality time with us in front of the TV. A simple life that keeps him happy. He's not worrying about what will happen if he doesn't get that raise and there's a huge inflation in gas. He's not worried about what will happen if the car burns (again) and we're stuck with a huge debt and no way of getting around. I'm so confused, I'm not woried about these things because they don't directly affect me but I see my mother stress about everything almost every single day and you can see the effects that has had on her for those of you that have met her. For those of you that haven't but have met Ashley's mother, vastly similar. Mom keeps saying that dad will die because he is over weight, but the truth is that mom will pass away from the stress she puts herself through long before dad has his first heart attack. It's so sad, so many things to worry about but it wont help. The solution is as simple as it get's tho some may say it's easier said than done: don't worry about it, it doesn't help things. I guess you could say that it's a childish way to look at thing. Like saying, "If I can't predict it or keep it from happening I'll just ignore the possibility until it does happen."

Well for all those who haven't heard yet, it's done. I got my tattoo done last night. It's really well done, I brought a friend with me and got some pictures taken so if you want to see what it looks like give me a post and I'll e-mail it to you. I got Dick to do it at "In The Flesh" tattooing parlor. I highly recommend this place to everyone, Dick is very down to earth and if it's going to hurt he'll tell you. Also the cleanest parlor I've ever seen, and I've been in quite a few with friends that got theirs done. It'd prolly be really good to call and get an appointment soon because he's already book all the way thru to the end of July. Along with Dick I have to send special thanks out to my sister for designing the tattoo for me. You did a great job Candace, so that's two tattoo's you designed so far that people have used... lol. So yeah did I mention that when I told some people at work who it was that designed my tattoo, they asked if they could get theirs done by you as well? No? Well they did. They'll keep you pretty busy for a while that's for sure and did I mention that they were willing to pay you for it... and you were worried about what you were going to do for a job this summer.

Well that's all for this post people.. tell me what you think about the whole Simple vs wise thing.

Closing thoughts:
I've come to the conclusion that music bears striking similarities to candy. Easily enjoyed at anytime and comes in many assorted varieties. But most importantly, before you can enjoy it to it's full compacity, you have to remove the rappers.

News From Columbine... I Mean Miramichi.

2005-05-15T16:03:00.000-03:00

Sum 41
Some Say

Some say we're never meant to grow up
I'm sure they never knew enough
I know the pressures won't go away
It's too late

Find out the difference somehow
It's too late to even have faith
Don't think things will ever change
You must be dreaming

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Believe me 'cause now's the time to try
Don't wait, the chance will pass you by
Time's up to figure it out
You can't say it's too late

Seems like everything we knew
Turned out were never even true
Don't trust, things will never change
You must be dreaming

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Some say we're better off without
Knowing what life is all about
I'm sure they'll never realize the way
It's too late

Somehow it's different everyday
In some ways it never fades away
Seems like it's never gonna change
I must be dreaming

Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
Think before you make up your mind
You don't seem to realize
I can do this on my own
And if I fall I'll take it all
It's so easy after all

Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all
Believe me, it's alright
It's so easy after all

News:
So it seems that Miramichi has gotten even more interesting since I got back from Uni. Seems that in the last three weeks there has been death threats said to random people by a stranger who just decided to walk into the school, a school evacuation, and not to mention an arrest of someone with a list of people that he was planning on killing and had the means to carry it out.
Start with the earliest one. A couple weeks ago, a person not from Miramichi Valley (my old high school) but still the same age group came into the school and started walking around the halls. As he went he talked to people, asking weird questions like, "Why are you sitting in the hall?" and the like, and when given the answer he responded with something the sounded similar to "Well I wouldn't if I were you." You know stupid stuff. The only thing tht had people kind of worried that maybe this guy was more than just a wack job was that he kept his hand under his jacket the entire time. Later they would find out that this was due to the pistol he had hidden underneath.
Last week the school was emptied at two-forty-five and the message was sent home that the school was currently being evacuated. That was all they sent home, just that. Seems there was a nice bomb threat passed throughout the school. Not too many other details about that one floating around though.
And here's the big one, an arrest was made this weekend of an very violently inspired individual. His room was searched to reveal some convincing items to support the accusations: Shotgun, pistol, machetti, knives and a list of twenty-five people that was clearly made out to be his hit list. If you add a couple things to make pipe bombs you have the same list of materials found in Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold's room's when the authorities searched them shortly after Columbine. I'm not going to put his name on the blog for obvious reasons, but he just moved to Canada from texas to live with his step-dad, (who is an ex-RCMP officer) shortly after some bad events happening with his birthfather. Sounds normal enough but from what I've dug up he WAS a pretty normal kid, no trouble making friends with decent people. Little creepy at times and didn't get along with a lot of the teachers. No one knew except for the one girl he told online that he wanted to kill this certain person. She got scared and called the police and here we are. With him arrested and everyone on his list still breathing.

Personal thoughts:
I'm beginning to think that my home town is not as good and innocent as I remember. Then again maybe the bomb threat at the high school accross the river, James M Hill, last year should have been my first blatantly obvious indication. Then again that was explained by something non-violent, some kid who was doing a project on WW2 had brought a hand grenade with the detonator removed. They dropped it on the way in to the school from their car and they made a huge thing about it. Fun, kinda, wasted an hour of the bomb squad's time though.
Well there seems to be no lack of action in the 'Chi. You guys from Uni sure you don't want to come live here for the summer? I'm sure I could stash a few of you in the basement if you were really stuck for a place to stay lol. Mom is appearing to be on some heavy drugs of late. Either that or she has recently suffered from massive head trauma because she actually seems to have come to grips witth the fact that she's no longer the driving force nor the all high authority when it comes to things that are involved with my life. Key evidence of this: after failing Applied Science last semester I am still alive to post this blog. That and the fact that the bike I've been secretly looking into buying suddenly has the endorsement of my parents. Mom's prolly going through a phase or something, like she did when she encouraged/forced me into getting my ear pierced back in grade eight. Time will tell I guess, if I get a nice jacket, helmet and a bike over 500cc and out of this phase then it'll be well worth the confusion.
Life seems to be twisting for me right now, and the road is going such a way that I'm not very inclined to go back to Uni. I saw this sweet job that I'll enjoy whole lot more, hard labour, sweet pay, my favorite. Have to move out west but oh man, twenty-three-hundred bones a week starting out is about as sweet as it gets. Roughneck work out on the rigs two weeks at a time making twenty to thirty an hour, sixteen hour days, plus iso, plus danger. Clearing seventy grand a year right off the bat. Someone pinch me. Every third week off to blow my spare cash. Can you seriously tell me that isn't an awesome setup? Well maybe not for me right now but I would really enjoy doing that for the first couple years after Uni to get the student loans off my back. Think about it... five years of student loans gone in less than two years while working on a morgage, and truck loan. All I need is two-thousand for the two weeks of training and then they fly my out West and they take care of everything else from there. I'm kinda worried about if they'd still be offering the same kind of thing when I finish. Scott assures me that they will because the oil fields is something no one gets into for a career, just a little bit of fast cash at the cost of living in a horibly isolated area two out of three weeks, and finding a place to live for the third. I wouldn't be coming back to the 'Chi for that week that's for sure. Might get taken down in a school shootingor something crazy that I would never have thought could've happened. Well I'm out of stuff to put.
Miramichi'ers let me know your opinions on how you think Miramichi has changed in the last few years. University gang, let me know what you guys are planning to do the first few years after Uni. Everyone else, whatever is new would be great. Keep in touch and keep posting, miss you all.

Out
92102

Quiz Craze While Working

2005-05-13T20:34:00.000-03:00

Yeah so I have this decent blog written but it's left at home today on a disk... duh. Maybe I'll be smart enough to remember it tomorrow. I did a bunch of quizes today just out of shear boredom tho, give me a comment to let me know how you guys feel about these. There's quite a few of them so don't get too hung up on reading them all lol. Training is just too sad in terms of keeping me occupied. I feel bad for getting paid for my time here until I realize that I'm wasting my time too just being here and nine an hour is more than most make slaving away, so maybe I'll stop feeling guilty lol. I'll put my post up for you guys tomorrow I promise. See yas all in the comments section.

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.
Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.
It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.
You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your SAT Score of 1356 Means:

You Scored Higher Than Howard Stern

You Scored Higher Than George W. Bush

You Scored Higher Than Al Gore

You Scored Lower Than David Duchovny

You Scored Lower Than Natalie Portman

You Scored Lower Than Bill Gates

Your IQ is most likely in the 130-140 range

Equivalent ACT score:

Schools that Fit Your SAT Score:

Brown University

Northwestern University

Carnegie Mellon University

Cornell University

Reed College

What Does Your SAT Score Mean?

Your Birthdate: February 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path.

Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate.

There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do.

This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative.

You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.

You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #2 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #3 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #4 Match: ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #5 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

What's Your Personality Type?

Your Rising Sign is Cancer

You are compassionate and kind - and the one who gives security.

And while you sometimes tire of it, people always turn to you for advice.

Emotions are your domain, and you tend to use them for good.

But you've also been know to be very manipulative when you need to be.

You're quite loyal to those you love most - friends and family.

For everyone else, you tend take time to build up trust.

What is Your Rising Sign?

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.

And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.

But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.

You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!

How's Your Karma?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Social Blogger!

Your blog is more of a semi-private affair for your friends.
It's how you keep in touch... sharing stories, jokes, and pics.

What kind of blogger are you?

You Are In a Good Mood

Today, you're feeling pretty together and happy.

While not everything is going you're way, you're keeping things in perspective.

And it seems like things are looking up for you!

What Mood Are You In?

Honest Mistake ~ OR ~ Unforgiveable Fuckup

2005-05-06T11:27:00.000-03:00

Sum 41
Handle This

You said it once before
You don't do those things you used to anymore
You say in doubt, we're fading out
Forgetting who we used to be

Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
I don't think you can handle this
You've lost what you can't find
Never what you had in mind

You take it with a smile
It’s so easy when you're always in denial
Just in time but out of line
I can't make all the same mistakes you want me to

Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
I don't think you can handle this
You've lost what you can't find
Never what you had in mind

You’re giving up
You know it's not what you need
And it's true what you're going through
Try so hard not listen to everything I never say

Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
I don't think you can handle this
Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
And I don't think you can handle this
You've lost what you can't find
Never what you had in mind

I'm getting over getting used to
And after all that I put you through now I see I'm not the only one

I never thought It'd ever come to
This in fact was never what you wanted from me
Or how you meant it to be

I'm getting over getting used to
And after all that I put you through now I see I'm not the only one

I never thought It'd ever come to
This in fact was never what you wanted from me
Or how you meant it to be

Lyrics dedicated to the situation refered to in the following blog and all those involved in it.

Situation:
Me and a group of people have just recently gotten ourselves into this situation where we're been given a fair amount of time to plan for and then expected to complete a task for an extended period of time. I see that there is no way under any circumstances that the group as a whole or any one individual including myself would be prepared for this task in the given time to prepare. The prep time is not able to be modified, and failure is not an option. There is an option to talk to our higher ups and get them to postpone the original task though and give the group more time to learn how to better work together as a unit and give everyone the time they'd need to build the nessecaire skills to achieve the goals set for this task. When I proposed this option to the group, I was told that I just wanted to avoid responsability.

Thoughts:
I can see where this individual is coming from. This task is going to be the pinnacle achievment in the team's ops possibly for the next 20 years. There are people older than me involved and they keep telling me that "We'll learn as we go," or, "There'll be at least one person in the group will be able to do each task." I can see where these people get off but this is a team op and teamwork is going to be the key issue in many of the chalenges involved. Should something happen to the only person that knows how to handle a certain situation then the team is screwed. The way the situation is now the chance for failing the task is much too high given the state of the team. This is no learning experience, and definately no game. This is a make or break situation where one person failing means the group fails as a whole and the objective is lost along with some serious mental problems that are sure to be developped along the way due to the stress the team will be under. I'm not saying that we abandone the project all together, I'm just saying that more prep-time is needed than the amount give to us.

Call for thoughts:
What do you think? What would you do in the given situation? Would going along with this project and falling short of the goals in this situation be an honest mistake and learning experience or would it be an unforgiveable fuckup? Leave you comment.

Rants:
I think I should start by explaining what my work is about so that you will understand a lot more of the following material. I work for Equifax, Personal Solutions. Equifax is the largest credit reporting agency in the world. It maintains you credit report, which is a collection of your personal info, court case rulings, loans, credit cards, bill collections and pretty much any thing else that has to do with your money on a large scale. My department takes people's calls who would like to buy products from our site that will help them monitor against identity theft, which is when someone takes your credit card and starts cashing you out. That's the basic just of it. Here's what's been happening of late.
So work is getting on my nerves already. Training is moving about as fast as JDD's thought process and is so disorganized that I think I may cry. I have thus far re-writen the code for the time clock on my computer at work (changed color, size, and possition of clock, made the color change as time ticks down), played numerous games of Texas Hold'em (so far I think I'm up 2 dollars), tested the number of increments of elevation that are on my chair (so far the most I've gotten is 13), and gotten about as dizzy as a person can while spinning on a swivel chair (but I only fell out of the chair once). If this is the excitement of training I can't wait to get on the phones. The people that call in here are so incredibly stupid sometimes... During training they let us pair up with people who are working and we can listen in on the calls that they are taking at that moment in time. The guy I got the other day, had a lady call him, and say that she had just recieved her laptop in the mail. She wanted him to help her set it up for her, help her connect to the internet, sign up for our site, and buy a product. I swear to god the guy was talking to her the entire time I was there (two hours) and when I went to talk to him the next day he said that the call ran for two hours and forty-seven minutes. That's fucking retarded considering the average call is supposed to be only five minutes long. Some people just can't grasp the fact that in order for the Help Center of Equifax's Personal Solutions Online Customer Care to be of any assistance to them, not only do them have to have a computer, but they must also have internet, and to access any of our products they can get a really good start by going to the equifax home page. I swear to god after listening to phone calls for only three days I still feel like my IQ has dropped somewhere around twenty points. I think if I have to tell one more hick with an Alabama accent to go to Equifax.com to do anything with their equifax products I will make it my personal duty to purge the gene pool of such retards to prevent their stupid from propogating further. I've come to the conclusion that since the focal point of all stupid people is call centers (meaning they will all call a call center eventually), this will be the most effective way to rapidly increase the average IQ of humanity. Not saying that all people that call a call center are on teh lesser end of the intelligence scale of course. We get normal people as well. Some of the stupid people are just crossing the line... this one guy stole a credit card and used it when he was logged into our site. After signing into a site that has a record of every single credit card he owns, his address, phone number, name and e-mail address, he uses a credit card that he doesn't own. We have a record of every single credit card he has so obviously when the numbers he types in don't match up with the ones in his report but still go through on the charge, we know it's not his card. So we lock his account for "investigational purposes." We keep call logs that we can bring up when the person calls us and it seems that this person did this sometime in 2003 and it's still locked. He's been calling repeatedly for the last two years (something like 200+ call logs) and all we can tell him is that it's still locked. Poor guy probably can't even figure out we're the reason the police caught him. Well that's all the funny stories I can remember right at this moment, I'm sure more will come to me for the next post.

For those of you who are confused about what I meant in the last comment I made a couple days ago about keeping comments on topic and the like, That's pretty much saying that if you have something to say that isn't related to anything on this post don't post it in the comments section. Just e-mail it to me. My address is in my profile.

Closing thought:
It's amazing how pieces of coral, painted brown, and attached to skull with common wood screws can make a small child appear similar to a reindeer.

Hm.... Parents Trusting Me. Who Shot Them Full Of Drugs?

2005-05-02T12:26:00.000-03:00

Sum 41
Pieces

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Lyrics dedicated to Shuanessy in regards to her expectations of her friends sometimes. So it seems that my parents are going to be going all over the place this summer on these "Family Trips" as they call them. I call them swim meets with nothing for me to do... I expressed this to my parents and it seems like they might have actually listened to what I was saying this time. I'm being left at home with the van at my disposal for the weekend next weekend, and every weekend that there is a swim meet. It's nice to be trusted once and a while. Especially of late, eh Shaunessy? lol. Long story that I can't really elaborate on right now because I'm short on time, but if there is an interest in it I guess I could share a bit for all you people with nothing better to do. So Cyns... where you live in Rothsay again lol. Nah I couldn't do that. The van eats gas like you wouldn't believe and I really don't feel like feeding it two-hundred dollars that I don't have lol. Thanks Ashley for filling Cyns in on the stuff she missed lol. Well I gues that's all for this week. Except for my hired, fired, hired job. Good ol' ICT, obviously an organized establishment. Ah well... I've got the job now and despite despicable hours (four 'til midnight every weekday) it pays half decently. Not the 15 an hour I was hoping from DEW Engineering but then again I'm not in engineering anymore now am I? lol. I may still get a scab job at the mill but I'm kinda skeptical on taking it because of the strike going on. We'll see what happens. Talk to you all later.

Out
Chris

From Drug Rings To National Hockey, Damn I Missed Home

2005-04-25T13:02:00.000-03:00

Linkin Park
Somewhere I Belong

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I'm not the only one with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all they can see the words revealed
It's the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to Lose
Just stuck hallow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Erase all the pain til it's gone
I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it's not the way I imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have, A negativity
'cause I can't justify the wayeveryone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain hallow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Erase all the pain til it's gone
I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
I will break away
I'll find myself today

I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
Erase all the pain til it's gone
I want to heal
I want to feel
what I thought was never real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

Song lyrics dedicated to Cyns, remember what we talked about, I hope Ash told about the rest of it. So... today was a day full of dry and not so dry eyed good-byes. I left for home and am currently writing this blog in the truck on the way home. Ah laptops, you are useful in some situations. Cyns was the driest of all but I know she was crying on the inside. I was told that I was horrible by Liz because I made her cry by telling her that she shouldn't miss anyone because we'd all be with her in her heart for the four months until we all come back to Uni. So she punched me and started bawling. It is the truth, and what is four months to the working student anyway? Alcohol money in the making that's what, lol. So I seem to come home to the action packed season on the Miramichi. In the last month there has been one of the biggest drug busts in Atlantic Canada's history, riots throughout the Atlantic Institute and who can forget the National Aboriginal Hockey Tournement.

I think I'll start with the one most people will hear about by the time they get home or shortly after. In one night, over one hundred of the RCMP special crimes devision plus however many units the states had decided to sign up for the task raided Miramichi, St. Steven and St. Andrews. Seems that Miramichi was the main distribution center for all of Eastern Canada and a lot of the North-Eastern States dealing in Marijuana, Meth and so many other drugs it makes my head spin to think about all of it happening at that one farm. Plants large as Christmas trees worth twenty grand a pop were found, about every piece of evidence possible, almost twenty-five in custody, and almost everything else except for one thing: the person who owned the place. Apparently he's vacationing in the South and was wanted/suspected for laundering money all along even before the farm got started. Well it's a hole that will be felt in the 'Chi I'm sure. I knew there were a lot of drugs around home but I never knew it was because this was where they were made, grown and distributed. And the funniest part about it is that the person that owned the farm was Wade Humphrey, coincedentally the owner of all the Tim Horton's on the Miramichi. Talk about addictive coffee. And as it stands, police believe that he was using an ice cream parlor he owned as a delivery checkpoint.

For all those who don't know, my dad works as a Correctional Officer at the Atlantic Intitute, which is the maximum security prison for Atlantic Canada. Things have been hard there for the last few years because of two groups of people that pretty much came in together. There have been a few beatings here, couple murders there, but this time things seem to be a little more serious. The two groups have officially come down to all out war in the cells. Riots are on and off now and I am genuinely terrified for my father. I know he'll be fine because there are insane amounts of safety measures taken in that place, hence the term "maximum" security but the stress seems to weigh on him at times and it's not like my dad is the most fit person out there. He's at high risk for a heart attack working a high stress job and nowhere near retirement. Be ok dad, take it easy.

National Aboriginal Hockey was awesome. Just as good if not better than the University finals on TV. They only lasted for one day of intense hockey but it was better than nothing. NHL come back soon... the male species is suffering from the lack of the toothless members of their kind beating the sense out of each other for the sake of putting a small hard rubber disk in a net. A group of about eight of us quite literally spent an entire day watching Doug play "Monster Rancher 3". For God's sake people the thing is a glorified version of pokemon. I'd be ashamed to say that I was included in that group of eight if I couldn't blame it on having nothing better to do at the time.

So... that's all that is happening as of yet in the 'Chi. I'll keep you all updated on what's going on. Even with my pathetic home connection I will try to post at the very least once a week. Post and stay in touch guys. Tell me what's going on back home. I miss you all. I left my info at the end of this blog incase you would rather write or call as opposed to E-mail. For those that are reading this that are from home that got left behind when I left for school, I'm back.

Out
Chris
191 Parker Rd
Miramichi, NB
Canada
E1V 5E4
(506)-622-5052

PS ~ New marquees up

M1 - "Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you." Written by Fran Lebowitz, a US writer and humorist, in her book Social Studies.

M2 - "The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else." Written by Umberto Eco, an Italian novelist and semiotician, in his book Travels in Hyperreality.

2005-04-19T22:39:00.000-03:00

Linkin Park
From The Inside

I don't know who to trust your surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Happy thoughts sift through dust and the lies
Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit

Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
Everyone feels so far away from me
Happy thoughts forcing their way out of me
Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you

I won't waste myself on you
You
You
Waste myself on you

I'll take everything from the inside and throw it all away
Cuz I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you

Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you
Everything from the inside and just throw it all away
Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you

I heard this song for the first time in a long time. I am not saying that this is how I feel today at all, quite the opposite in fact. But I believe that one my closest friends are, and mostly because of me. I haven't been the best of confidents to her of late, in fact I've done a lot of things that have brought us farther apart. I plan to change myself, as I tried to say two entries ago, hopefully before things get to the point that is described in these lyrics. Summer comes and gives me the four months that should be good for me to come back and surprise her. The friendship we had at the first of the year was great... almost like the brother and sister kinda thing you see on TV all the time. I really miss my big sis and the way things used to be. So I am going to have a very interesting, albiet long and drawn out, summer. I have a full time job with little time off, a bike that's just itching to be taken as far as I can push it, and a set of weights that I'm sure have suffered from total neglect since I've been gone. But seriously, I am seriously trying to change and all the skeptics and profanitarians from the last few blogs can comment all they want because I'm not changing for you. Changing is hard enough without negative encouragement.

So... Making changes to who you are, good, bad, easy, hard, or short stories. All are welcome. Comment me up and leave me your ideas.

Out
Chris

Garbage Anonymous

2005-04-18T13:13:00.000-03:00

You know what pisses me off more than anything else when it comes to blogging? The people that think they have you figured out but still have to post without their real names. That or blantantly obvious fake names like Buddy or Anony Mouse. You people just don't get it. Imagine, if you think that an imaginary person saying stuff hurts me imagine how much a real person saying stuff would. In contradiction to what one person said people can always change. I mean look at the people that commented on my last blog. They've changed themselves negatively to a point where they use an alias to disguise their name for the fear of someone knowing that they are posting garbage on my blog. At least my attemp to change was going to be positive, these people just changed into individuals that are insecure enough about what they say that they don't want to put their name to it. It almost inspires pity... and speaking of which, did I ask for yours? If anything I honestly pity the person who has to hide their name. Really though, why would you even bother to leave your opinion without the weight given by knowing that there is a real person there to back it up somewhere in the background? The opinion of a nameless individual means nothing to no one, when you think about it. You leave no way for people to check you for integrity and therefor leave the integrity of what you say not only in question but in danger of being the new way to define your character should anyone find out who you are. Is losing the respect of possible new friends and even that of ones you have worth typing words that no one gives any weight? Save your fingers my dedicated divulgers of fun words in caps, your pity will not go in vain for it inspires the courageous to bear their meaningful screen names and signatures more pridefully as you have proven to them that they are once more the better people.

So... anonymous posting, comment on what your opinion of it is. I appreciate any and all ideas, with names.

Out
ChrisMark

Lost Again...

2005-04-16T02:22:00.000-03:00

Linkin Park
In The End

It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end

It doesn't even matter
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

Wow... I can't believe how many times I got something blatantly obvious pointed out to me in the last three hours. Things at home suddenly got about twenty times more complicated but it makes it easy for me to do the growing up that I promised myself that I'd do. I owe it to myself and to a certain someone, that knows who she is already although I doubt she has the faith to see it, to grow up. I've completely lost the faith of one of my closest friends, and in doing so found the kind of person I really am. Damn looking at yourself full in the mirror really sucks when you do it for the first time. Well this may ave been said before and it may very well wind up being said again but this summer is going to be one for growing out of old habits. Sorry Kate for making you life that much more interesting (meaning difficult) than it had to be and Cyns for reasons I really just don't want to clarify. She knows why and that's fine for me. What she should know is that I'm now working on making good my appology by changing to make sure it doesn't happen. My largest hope is that it doesn't turn out to be like the song I choose to represent my mood today... I hope that in the end this will matter.

Tomorrow proves to be a new day... hopefully one to kick off the time I start to grow up and live like I should instead of the carefree way I have. I'm out for now.

Chris

2005-04-09T02:40:00.000-03:00

Linkin Park
Faint

I am a little bit of loneliness
a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints
but I can’t help the fact
that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do,
I can't convince you, to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you,
turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I am a little bit insecure
a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand
I do what I can but sometimes
I don't make sense
I am what you never wanna say
but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you for once
just to hear me out
So I let go watching you
turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

No
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me, like it or not
Right now
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

Kera this song is most befinately dedicated to you my dear. Last night was an awesome night of dancing. Hope I didn;t bore you too much on my way to getting drunk enough to dance you under lol.

Ashley... ummmmm how does this go again? It's been so long since I've even uttered the words. Oh yeah that's right... I am most certainly sorry for making you uncomfortable. It was not my intention by any means and I would take it back if I could hun. I must say tho you and Cyns are definately a lot of fun at the club. I don;t know what you guys were drinking but let me know because next time I want some.

Pete... I'm sorry Pete but this is going to have to come out. Where the fuck were you? We had an amazing time and you missed it. I feel bad for you not being there because I know it would have cpmpletely finished last class bash in the best way possible. You would have thanked the person that had physically dragged you there had someone had the courage. I know you prolly didn't feel well today or at least that's how it looked when we left but surely nothing a little more alcohol can't cure right? We missed you man. Good luck on your latin exam... hopefully we'll go out again next weekend and you'll be feeling good enough to join us.

Doug... get a fake ID so you can come too.

Thats all...

OCM

Down

2005-04-06T01:51:00.000-03:00

Linkin Park
Somewhere I Belong

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all that they can see the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

Ah despression, I thought I had gotten rid of you... sure you bring out the best in me sometimes but dear sweet oblivion I hate you. You make a hopeless (or at very least hopeful) romantic of a bitter individual. You make me want to sit alone and ponder my future when I would rather be my content self and let the events come as they would naturally. At times like this I miss home. I miss being able to go for my bike rides down to the river. I used to sit and watch the river do as it has down for milenia. Gone to where it belongs by anyway it saw open to it. It was beside that river that I felt many times a sense of belonging and of enlightenment. I knew beside that water ever moving to its destination I would always feel at home. i have found similar comforts at the side of the river side here in Fredericton although the lights are far too bright at night and too loud during the day to be my special place.

I'd like to hear a little bit about other people's special places. Where do other people go to be at home when their own seems to push them out. I'd like to know what other people do when they get depressed or feel like they don't belong. Well that's all the intelligent convo that comes to mind at the moment so I'm off.

OCM

Well I Guess I Did Give You The Rope (new content)

2005-04-01T21:09:00.000-04:00

A Perfect Circle
The Noose

So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

Recall the deeds as if
They're all someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn before us all
So glad to see you well

And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead
To the dead

With your halo slipping down
Your halo slipping
Your halo slipping down

Your halo slipping down

Your halo slipping down

Your halo slipping down

to choke you now

To those who live up to the phrase. This song will pound into you the significance if you can't get it from the saying itself. I was always taught this one thing: "Give them enough rope and they will always hang themselves." Welcome to the fun of my life. I just hung myself out again. I may be drunk now but tonight was once again one of the most sobering nights I have had in a while. Well I'm just going to stay here and drink with my friends. obviously i have problems with anything closer.

Ok people you are all so over-reacting. Kera goes for walks all the time drunk or sober. If I had of tried to follow her she would have run and tat would have been even more dangerous for her. I did what I could have, stayed where she could call me when she was done running. Kera can't be made to fit my ideals when it comes to being safe and not making people worry about her. And not telling her not to do something (like drink something) will only encourage do to it more just to prove you wrong.

OCM

Holiday

2005-03-31T11:48:00.000-04:00

Greenday
Holiday

You Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery"
And bleed,
the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ
from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen?
There's a flag wrapped around the score of men
A gag,
A plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

"The representative from California has the floor"

Zieg Heil to the president gas man
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause,
just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday

My Holiday from school starts in three weeks so people back home look out. Yeah like a slacker like me could really cause any problems back home. Too much effort would be required. I have a crazy exam schedual... five exams in five days. At least it's all stressful at once and then its over with. I can't wait til I can get back home and get to work. Next year i start my work in Computer Science instead of computer Engineering. Well thats all for now.

OCM

2005-03-28T20:56:00.000-04:00

Slipknot
Me Inside

Giving in to what has got me
Feeling claustrophobic, scarred
Severed me from all emotion
Life is just too fucking hard
Snap! your face was all it took
Cuz this need ain’t doin’ me no good
Fall on my face, but can’t you see?
This fucking life is killing me!

Tearing me
Inside

Too far gone, I’m catatonic
Leaving you to criticize
Empty shell and running naked
All alone... lobotomized
Back and forth between my hang-ups
It isn’t easy to be hated
Where do ya go? whaddya do?
Simpleton, impromptu, crazy eight
I never cared, not once
Gotta get away!

Tearing me
Inside

I wasn’t promised a thing
You keep mocking me
But you will never again
Before you know it - after you’re gone

Gone

Somos feos apestamos y pero reinamos joto muthafucka

For all those non Spanish speaking readers the last line of this song roughly translates into "We are ugly and rank but we rule together" and I'm assuming you are al bright enough to figure out the last word on your own baswed solely on the pronounciation. I picked this song pretty much because of the title and then when I read the lyrics and it made want to put it on even more. Things have been interesting this weekend... nothing to do breeds fun results when around Doug and his crew of misfits, myself included. The movie we made is now in the editing stages. It'll prolly only be ten minutes long but the bloppers are going to be awewome. I'm out of things to say. Besides Cynthia using me to get rid of people. I feel so used... except I kept someone from getting hurt by lying. Now that I think about it that is a really big question for me. Is it right to lie to someone if its to keep them from getting hurt or is the truth the right choice always? Question for you all to comment on: A little white lie... sometimes nesecairy or always wrong? Well I'm out.

Chris

That Was What A Club Is Like?

2005-03-25T10:23:00.000-04:00

Soo not what I ecpected but I guess what you see in all those movies can't really be that accurate. Drink until your cross-eyed and ten sweat it out on the dance floor. The company definately made the experience tho. Cyns, you even went out when you were sick, and drank and danced it up just as bad as the rest of us. Thanks for watching my back to keep me out of trouble. Ashley pulled a few surprises on me too, but I played along and things went great. Liz came out of her funk and dance it up with us too. Even Drew danced... I somehow get the feeling he has to be a bit more drunk to dance a lot tho. Melissa the shots were fun... mmmm coffee lol. I wonder if it actually tasted like that or if we were just too drunk to get the real taste. Oh well. Nothing like a caffine high from alcohol.

Now for the real part. I was talking to someone last night who said something that was really profound in a way that I didn't realise until this morning after the haze of alcoholism cleared, with no hangover i might add lol (take that bitches, I win). What was said was somewhere along the lines of "Why would I go after him? He's perfect in my mind and there he'll never disappoint me." I dismissed this as an excuse to be shy at the time but as I thought about it more I've come to the realisation that this could be true. Is it better to let the people we want to care about us know and develope a relationship that will much of the time end in being dissapointed about something? Or is it more satisfying to simply imagine the relationship as it would be should there be no disappointments? Like what was said last night, you never have to go through disappointments and you still have your fantasie relationship that moves at a pace that is perfect for you with a person that you are obviously attracted to. I guess it's what you consider to be important in a relationship that is the key deciding factor in your decision of which is better.

I could personally never possibly have anything other than a relationship where the other person knew just because what I value in a relatinship is being able to learn about each other together. I like the imperfections because I think a "smooth" or "perfect" relationship like is portrayed by society would be boring. No challenge. A relationship to me is something you're supposed to work at every step of the way. Perfection is a goal never reached and maybe never come close to, only a target that you are happy striving for. Well that's all for this post... give me a comment about your opinions on this topic.

Out
CM

Walking Circles

2005-03-19T17:15:00.000-04:00

Slipknot
Pulse Of The Maggots Lyrics

This is the year where hope fails you
The test subjects run the experiments
And the bastards you know, is the hero you hate
But cohesing is posssible if we strive
Theres no reason, theres no lesson
No time like the present, telling you right now
What have you got to lose, what have you got to lose
Except your soul...who's with me!

I fight for the unconventional
My right, and its unconditional
I can only, be as real as i can
The disadvantage is
I never knew the plan
This isn't the way just to be a martyr
I cant, walk alone any longer
I fight, for the ones that cant fight
And if I lose, at least I tried

We, we are the new diabolic
We, we are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life you can have it
We, we are the pulse of the maggots

I won't, be the inconsequential
I won't, be the wasted potential
I can make it, as severe as I can
Until you realize
You'll never take a stand
It isn't, just a one-side aversion
We've dealt, with a manic diversion
And I won't, let the truth be perverted
And I won't leave another victim deserted

We, we are the new diabolic
We, we are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life you can have it
We, we are the pulse of the maggots

Do you understand? (yes)
Do you understand? (yes)
Do you understand? (yes)
Do you understand? (yes)

Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)

We fight til no one can fight us
We live, and no one can stop us
We pull when we're pushed too far
And the advantages is
The bottom line is
We never, had to fight in the first place
We only, had to spit back at their face
We won't, walk alone any longer
What doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger

We, we are the new diabolic
We, we are the bitter bucolic
If I have to give my life you can have it
We, we are the pulse of the maggots

Do you understand (yes)
Do you understand (yes)
Do you understand (yes)
Do you understand (yes)

Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)
Say it again say it again (we won't die)

Is it not amusing to see that no matter how hard we try our lives are filled with little circles inside of larger circles inside of larger ones still. Everything we do repeats itself whether we want it to or not. It may take a while but inevitably everything happens again. At least that's how things have been working with me lately. Do fun things only to accent them by doing things that are so incredibly not. Sorry for making your life a little harder Melissa.

To Be Wasted And To Know

2005-03-19T05:59:00.000-04:00

Ok... those of you that have read what was originally here... KEEP YOU FUCKING ASS QUITE!!! No more drunk posting. No more.

Yeah You Love Me... But You Hate Who I Am.

2005-03-18T10:58:00.000-04:00

Green Day
Letterbomb

Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out with you
Having fun

Where have all the bastards gone?
The underbelly stacks up ten high,
The dummy failed the crash test,
Now collecting unemployment checks,
Like a flunkie along for the ride

Where have all the riots gone,
As the city's motto gets pulverized?
"What's in love is now in debt",
On your birth certificate,
So strike the fucking match to light this fuse

The town bishop is an extortionist,
And he don't even know that you exist,
Standing still when it's do or die,
You better run for your fucking life

It's not over till you're underground,
It's not over before it's too late
This city's burning "it's not my burden",
It's not over before it's too late

There is nothing left to analyze

Where will all the martyrs go,
When the virus cures itself?
And where will we all go when it's too late?

You're not the Jesus of suburbia,
The St. Jimmy is a figment of,
Your fathers rage and your mothers love,
Made me the idiot America

It's not over 'til you're underground,
It's not over before it's too late,
This city's burning "it's not my burden",
It's not over before it's too late

She said "I can't take this place,
I'm leaving it behind",
She said "I can't take this town,
I'm leaving you tonight"

And the count is down. School ends and last class bash promises to be just that. A time for fun, food and BEvERages. Things have cooled down and the work of University is beginning to weigh again, but I did finish my first CS1083 assignment ever on Wednesday (thanks Brent... I needed that kick in the ass). This will get me some of my marks toward the 20% that the assignments are worth, bute I came to what is probably the most important school-related realization I've made this year. Not only is going retarded on the way back from programing in a small room full of computers with no "loud voices" allowed for an excess of three hours nessecary for keeping sane but it's fun as hell. I don't think I've laughed that hard since blue colar comedy tour. The only draw back was that I had to walk back up to the house with my sides sore from laughing and getting worse every wise ass remark made by either Brent or I. And to make things worse breathing was out of the question. How the hell me and Brent made it up the hill is like the meaning behind "P.A.C."... No one knows, and probably all the better. Last night I missed a good time becase of no reason. Damn, should have gone to social club with ya Mel. Next weekend, next weekend. Next weekend is turning out to be a very busy 4 days, if not for fun then what are long weekends for right? Tequila it's your turn this weekend. Shot chess never sounded more fun. Don't let me beat you too bad Melissa I want to get drunk too.

Out
Chris

top marquee - "Feelings are as removable as the mountains, the only way to make them go away is to forget them."

This one is mine, and is dedicated to the people that are healing from the feelings caused by those closest to them at one point in time. Melissa and Cynthia in particular but not only them. Feelings for people and what the people we feel for makes us feel by their actions is something that just can't be wished away. It has to be slowly forgotten with no garantee of staying that way.

bottom marguee - "Close your eyes and fly away, I pray the fire in my heart will lead you back to me another day."

This one is by Caleb. I feel it puts into the words the hopes of someone who watches someone they love walk away from them possibly forever. A feeling that almost never fades.

Attn To New Scrolling Messages

2005-03-17T17:36:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Kera's friend Caleb from back in Ontario (I'm assuming) I now have a new source for my marquees. Thanks you're a life saver Kera. There's only so long I can see "eroding the human soul" scroll past my eyes before I start believing it and that's when crazy things happen. Short post this time but I will say that I am thinking of starting up a fight again... lol. It's really boring now that my blog is back to its lowly four comment on one post over 3 days, as opposed to the twenty-four on two posts over two days during blogwar times.

On a lesser note Cyns just got back from Europe and she's jet lagged to the point of sleping naturally from seven to five in the morning. Poor thing. Hope you get back into the swing of your ever so missed rez life. It most certainly missed you. I know I did.

Well that's all for this post. Tonight promises to be a fun St Patties day tho. Lol,

Out
Chris

Here's To A Mistake

2005-03-15T02:46:00.000-04:00

UnderOATH
Giving Up Hurts The Most

angels mourn crying, praying for your soul
as my eyes open from their state of sleep i feel my blood
turn into a frozen river
nightmares so close death was in the air
my heart locked shut, and i gave you the key
promise never to leave
as lies hold me emptiness fills my broken heart
screaming your name hoping for a response, silence summer
drowned by winter

to look in your face and realized the time we spent the chances i
had have drifted away from my fingertips
your life, your thoughts, your dreams, your love
never tried my hardest and now i cry as the hurt enters
i love you and i still love you
even though i never showed it
a piece of me is gone forever
clutching memories held so close
repeating words of love spoken too late
my eyes look all around but all they can focus on is you
for in you i find me

days past by and thy death still lingers
this coldness will never satisfy me
i want to be surrounded by angels in a place
where the sun is so warm it burns my insides
surrounded by angels
where love takes my darkest depressions
and throws it into the deepest of sea
a place i can call home, i'm crying to you Jesus
mend me, break me, make me
you're all i've got now
my eyes look all around but all they can focus on is you
for in you i find me

farewell my friend your time has come
and never will i be able to tell you i love you again

Liked the title and the lyrics were there. Those not in favor of screaming monkeys in closets shouldn't download it to listen to it because you probably wont be able to hear one word this guys is saying. Don't read into it you select few who think you may fit into this catagory of my life I garentee you were not in my the reason I put this here lol.

Well here comes the inevitable. I apologize to my readers for sinking to a level below my own in the last few days on the blog. Sorry Brian if I said anything that hurt you. I was immature to say such things. No hard feelings? Appologie two for the night (morning) goes out to Brian's very own Shaunessy. Sorry for being a prick to ya. Miss ya lots. Well anyway it is almost 0300 and I have a midterm to study for... time for sleep. gotta love how that works.

Out
Chris

New Content... Threats Are Funny.

2005-03-14T11:08:00.000-04:00

UnderOATH
A Boy Brushed Red

Can you feel your heartbeat racing?
Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
You've done this wrong
It's too far gone
These sheets tell of regret
I admit that I'm just a fool for you
I am just a fool for you

Here is where we both feel wrong
Tonight's your last chance to
Do exactly what you want to
And this could be my night
This is what makes me feel alive
Makes you feel alive
Here is where we both go wrong
So tie me up
And toss this key
'Cause for now we're living in this moment
And we both ignore the truth
It's all over
It's all over

I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes

Your lungs have failed and they both stopped breathing
My heart is dead and its way past beating
Something has gone terribly wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but its all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes

Well look who's dying now
Slit wristless sleeping with the girl next door
I always knew you were such a sucker for that
It doesnt matter what you say
You never mattered anyway
Never mattered anyway

In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over
It's all over
I feel your heart against mine
So take a breath and close your eyes

Your lungs have failed and they both stopped breathing
My heart is dead and its way past beating
Something has gone terribly wrong
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this
I never thought we'd make it out alive
I never told you but its all in your goodbyes
It's all in your goodbyes

Don't shake, i hate to see you tremble
Trembling you've lost your touch
Haven't you run so addicted

This song goes out to someone who remains anonomous but she will know it when she reads it. Brian's frantic freak out reminded me of her. If she does still read this blog then I would ask her to download this song... it's even in her new taste in music lol. For all those who are curious UnderOATH is a small time Christian band. You'd never be able to tell by their music but then again look at POD. Very heavy metal like but not just screaming as I am used to hearing. This song reminded me that we are all a fool for someone. For the lucky ones the person they are a fool for is a fool for them. This song popped up on my ares and I downloaded it by mistake so who knows. Maybe I was supposed to hear it. Fate is a funny thing. Enjoy the tunes people. I'll write more later.

Out
Chris

Wow people. This is all I have to say. Wow. The idea that I missed the first joke from you Brian makes me sad but I found it. Share the fun right? Here you go you curious people looking for a laugh:

Wow i read sone of your blogs and guess what. There a peice of shit. All you are is a sick fuck. You dont deserve to know anyone or aquant yourself with anything. You shouldnt even be aible to touch yourself at night. I know all about you and i Know all your dirty deeds. You wont have to worry about it getting out thought cause....welll...... you knwo what will happen. What you have done in the past is nothing like what will happen in the future. You made someone cry... you will cry harder. I know everything about you and dont you forget this. You keep out of everyone that you fucked with onces lives and not fuck with anything that they own know do say think or write. This will be the only warning that you will get. There is always more ways to skin a drowning cat then one. Trust me that is something you dont want to know about.
FUCK OFF out of those peoples lives and you will be spared from humiliation. Dont and i guess you will see what will happen..... and no one will care what happens.
Sincerly yours
Insurrection

Ok... you want to get back at me right? Well then don't warn me! You aren't making you coveted revenge any more likely by advertising it. And now I know to avoid your car and when you're around water lol. Another, don't send me things that make you look like this kind of person please. You're not the kind of person that you are portraying to the world by what you are writing. You're better than this and you know it. Stop degrading yourself to try and get to me, not only am I not worth your trouble but it's not working.

Out
Chris

To Those I Care About Most

2005-03-13T08:01:00.000-04:00

Green Day
Poprocks And Coke

Wherever you go, you know I'll be there
If you go far, you know I'll be there
I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there

You place the name you know I'll be there
You name the time you know I'll be there
I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there

I don't care if you don't mind
I'll be there not far behind
I will dare, Keep in mind
I'll be there for you

Where there's the truth,
you know I'll be there
Amongst the lies,
you know I'll be there
I'll go anywhere,
So I'll see you there

I don't care if you don't mind
I'll be there not far behind
I will dare, Keep in mind
I'll be there for you

If you should fall, you know I'll be there
To catch the call, you know I'll be there
I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there

I don't care if you don't mind
I'll be there not far behind
I will dare, Keep in mind
I don’t care
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be there for you
I’ll be there for you

To those I care about most I send this song out to you. I would very much advise that you download it for its full effect because the music code is harder to find than manners out of JDD lol. This song is one you have to hear for yourself, not my kind of music but when I thought of it so many people came to mind. So I'm a sap for being there... reminds me of another song by Green Day that you will all probably get to read the next time I get burned by trying tobe there for someone lol.

Well I'm back where I belong to say the least. Oh Uni I have missed you, or more like I didn't miss some of the personnel back home enough to return just yet. Once again I have found my place and she has found hers and for once my maternal gaurdian is too busy with work to bother me. The one female I let my gaurd completely down to no longer talks to me or leaves me nasty notes. I am unattached and not looking. Things right now are in balance such that it is. With me that means that something is coming to throw me for a loop big time lol. Hostory repeats itself but meh... such is life and we might as well go for broke when we play the game right? Speaking of which... I guess there is this one girl... lol. No more of that. March break was a disaster but I take small comfort in knowing that some had as little fun as I and I hope he takes comfort in mine as well. Sorry Amanda and Majesta, the movies was tons of fun but it just can't make up for the rest of the week. Definately have to consider doing it again sometime tho. Might have to find something else to get the sugar high from... easter bunnies and chocolate eggs are a seasonal thing I hear. Sugar highs, laughs, Green Day and making fun of Brian are prolly the best fun I've had in my hometown since... well ever.. but it just doesn't seem to peirce the steel-like skin on The Un-fun-inator lol. I think my sister, Candace said it best with her screen name a while back, "I keep trying to drown my sorrows but my mother is just too smart to go swimming with me."

Well thats all for today... well this morning anyway. No telling how little I will have to do tonight.

Out
Chris

Back Where I Belong

2005-03-11T16:58:00.000-04:00

So here's the good news... I am going back to where I feel more at home than home. If you were to tell me I'd be more comfortable at school than home when I was in middle school I would have laughed myself blue. But here I am, wishing myself back to Uni. Yeah I think a rave this summer would really do it. You're all invited. Depends on how things go. Tunes wouldn't be strictly rave but it would be all kinds of fun. But I think I'll go for the slab instead of the cornfield Kera. You see there was a house torn down last summer and they decided to just leave the cement slab that was the foundation right there in the middle of nowhere. Great for parties and the like because no one ends up falling over branches and roots. All I need is someone to bring a good set of speakers and I'll be all set. Or we could always have it in my back yard. It's huge, the only catch is you all have to meet my mother lol.

I'd like to intruduce you all to my Dad he's new to the whole blog thing and I just filled him in on how to use it and comment on my page... so he's a new reader, be nice and don't say anything too... ummm... well... unparently. No he's cool and can put up with anything you guys have to say. That's why he's the awesomest Dad ever. Well I guess I'll see those of you that are going to be at Uni tomorrow.

Mel I got the footnotes done up for all the phylosofers for the PolSci midterm except for Foucault. So it'd be a huge favor if I could get those off of you when I get back. You can read what I have on the others all you like you and pete both.

Well people... I'll see most of you tomorrow. Peace...

Out
Chris

Home... Again.

2005-03-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

Well Miramichi hasn't changed too much. Again I am reminded of why I will never return to the place of my upbringing by the bad memories of the places I used to go and the bad relationship I have with my family. Candace you're great and so are you Matthew, Micheal, and Brandon but we only got along because we were oppressed by a common evil. Mom... our hatred of you has brought this family closer than was ever posible by any other means. The enemy of the enemy is my friend. I just realized that my war is drawing to a close and that my alies of years past are becoming less important to me. Even my dad, who I have looked up to my entire life, whose sense of honour and duty has kept him with a woman he hates more than anything in life. Dad you have greatly affected the way I see life and made me a better person not because of your bad choices but because you owned up to those bad choices and lived the life they made for you. Anyway, back on topic. I will never come back to the Miramichi after I graduate. Either that or flunk out and get back on feet. My mother has not changed in the way that she treats me or how she treats my closest friends of old, my siblings. We are still her children, yes, but that does not mean that she can expect what she wants of us every time she askes. If I could have one wish that would help my family it would be that my mother would come to the realization that asking us to do something is just that. There are different ways to answer other than "Yes mom. right away mom." We are your children but we do know more than you sometimes. Things are not as they were when you were our age so stop telling us how we should do things. Obviously you are not me, or Candace.... and the list goes on. We make our own decisions and you can influence them. Not controll them. It's called courtessy, ever hear of it. Or maybe freedom, subtlty, not being a controll freak, should I go on or do these paint an accurate enough picture. I do not need you to get angry at me for the decisions I have made. I know full well what I do and put myself thru enough of a guilt trip without your help. Look at some of the decisions you have made. Do I yell at you for them? Should I? Of course you'll say no because you're an adult and I'm your inferior. But the proper word you'll say is less experienced, junior or some other happy horse shit that you make up off the top of your head at the moment. No one like you anymore mom. And I hope you know that because you will be very lonely someday when everyone decides to stop paying attention to you all together. Instant crazy cat lady, just add cats.

Well now that I got that out lets talk about the positive. Hey I don't have to go to class for a week. Lol well things could be worse. I could be getting calls at 9:00 on a Saturday morning. It is good to see the siblings again. Candace seems to have matured quite a bit since I left and Matthew has just gotten his first stalker chick, which seems to be a developping Sears male tradition. Mike is now taller than me for sure and better at Halo as well. My how things have changed. Brandon hasn't changed that much tho... he's still the momma's boy that cries when he doesn't get his way and the wine in his voice is still there; but it's like he's trying to stop. Whether that be because I'm back and he's scared of me or Matthew and Micheal have put the fear of death into him I guess I'll never know. Going out to my first bar this week. That should be a treat. Thank you very much lil' miss anonomus lol. Hopefully the snow is good for sliding too because things just weren't the same trying to slide in Freddy without Amanda. I brought my laptop with my tunes on it and my roommates awesome speakers, plus my strobe light so I'm hoping to throw a small rave next weekend. Thank you very much Melissa for the idea, you rock. I tell you how it turns out when I get back. If things go well this week I should be home for the entire week, if not I may be back in Freddy again a lot sooner than anyone thought. Well thats all for this post. Peace...

Out
Chris

The Losing Battle

2005-03-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

"Weathered"
Creed

I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine

Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading "love" with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel alone

Me..I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal

The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up

Me...I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal

The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
Because one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
So I choose to fight
To fight

Me..I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
Me..I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal

Why do you do it. You lie beside me and we converse like friends of old in pastures of green. As we reminesse about the clouds passing by that were our times together. Symbolic in so many ways. They took all forms and, as always, ended with it dissapating into nothing or a storm. And everytime a cloud of a dream dissapeared, you got up to leave. And as I got up to follow you you turned on me with your knife in hand and buried it to the hilt in my gut. You push me back down to the ground knowing that I will not die but that I will stay where I am until you return. And so we have done things this way for years. Weeks of having your dagger in me, holding me in to a place where you can control me. And everytime you have to leave make sure to leave me with no way to escape. And for all the times that your poinard has entered my body with intent to wound, maim and brutalise, I still find myself happy to see you again. Love, the most powerful feeling in the world acording to the poetic and romantric mind. You are my friend who is not. And to you I say one thing, you have never been as cruel to me as you have been in the last few months. I hate you and what you do to me, I believe in you enough to leave myself ungaurded eveytime no matter what you've done to me in the past. To stop believing in you would be to stop believing there was purpose to life. No one needs to see what you do me, sympathy would only make things worse. I like to believe that the more people sufer for what they believe in then the one time they have that belief proved will be that much more enjoyable. I believe that true love conquers all and such is the case obviously that I haven't found it yet. So you can shiv me, shank me, shaft me, stab me, make me bleed the blood and shed the tears that no one will ever see. I know I will find what I believe in someday, until then I will search my very soul for the answers to the forever questions I ask mayself to deter me from the path of true happiness. That encourage me to walk the lesser road of easy walking but hollow foot falls.

For those of you who haven't picked up on what I was saying at the first, I wasn't talking about a particular person. So no Shaunessy this is not a post dedicated to you, you have had your chance and the sun has set on us long ago. Nor you Kera or Liz, dusk has hit for you both in the area of a relationship. Nor even you Cynthia, Kate or Amanda; the possible rising stars in my life. This was a simple personification of the acts of "love" as a whole in my life. I end post this with one phrase that all who have thought themselve to be in love once only to find an untruth have said to themselves. I say it knowing that I don't mean it and that I will prove it wrong and, with my luck, true again given time enough. Love sucks.

In The Name of a Friend

2005-02-22T13:07:00.000-04:00

Ok this entire post is dedicated to one question that has been on my mind since the trouble with it began began about three weeks ago. I have this friend that I care very much about. I want very much for this person to be happy, but the things that this person is doing are very self destructive. They make my friend happy for the moment but I know they will make this person miserable in the long run. And so I have to come to this one question thats answer I haven't found a sound solution to yet. Do I stop this persons "live for the moment at the sacrifice of the future" attitude for the chance of a far more enjoyable future, or do I leave them be, leaving them to their own devises and a sure fun time now but a doubtfully good time later. I care about this person and want them to be happy but I feel like if I intervened I would only be ruining this persons good time now and not making the future any more enjoyable. I only seem to be getting on this persons bad side all the time. Talking to them doesn't seem to work anymore because they don't believe me anymore. This individual doesn't even see what I'm trying to do. I don't even know if I know what I'm trying to do anymore. Working for the best possible outcome I guess. Anyway if you could comment me with your opinions that would be great. I'm so stressed ot I think I may just pass...

Out
Chris

For a Friend

2005-02-07T20:15:00.000-04:00

Ok this is done as a favor to a very close friend. He seems to have a problem with his being single so I will give him a hand with this because I seem to not be able to stay away from the trouble that being with women cause. Not bad trouble or bad stress, being with someone is one of the most amazing experiences a person can be involved in. So here we go.

Joel Goguen is a 21 year old university student enroled in computer science. He enjoys long walks on the beach, holding hands, singing and dancing in the rain, and debating controversial topics, in the rain, on the beach, holding hands. He is a firm believer in the Linux/Unix system and that Microsoft is the devil and should be toppled from its place as the largest monopoly of technology in the world. He is a sweet and caring individual who likes to pass his time helping others with whatever should arise to challenge them in their lives, including homework assignments, tortured souls, mystical dancing lawn gnomes, tooth fairy kidnappings, and green halucinegetic sprites cause by absense. Joel is looking for a down to earth and outgoing partner, loyalty and honesty is a must and speaking her mind is a plus. If interested in this individual please leave your name and number in the comment section of his blog which can be reached by clicking here or on his name in the side bar.

Now on to the blog part of this weeks episode. This week has proven to be a hassle once more... Valentines day was a blast, thank you Cynthia, and you too mom for sending me a v-day present. But now I am back to my grind and I think I may crash on this one. Nut you all know what has to be done when you crash a grind... pick up the board and jump on the rail again. Well I have to get back to my endless homework. Joel good luck with the ladies... hope the personal adds up to what you were expecting. I'm drained. I'm...

Out
Chris

The Problem's Solution Is The Problem Itself

2005-02-06T03:59:00.000-04:00

After many weeks of being under the microscope of living in rez I have come to the simple conclusion that women are like alcohol. Not like smashed off you face, too drunk to stand kind of alcohol. They just share a common analogy. You see n the last little while I have had a lot of stressful problems that have had to do with women. But to say some good things about their race, one of you always seem to be there to help make things either seem not so bad or to talk about it and help me deal with it. And trust me girls you might as well be a different race when it comes right down to it... I don't even know what you people are thinking when you do half the stuff you girls do. So anyway back on topic. These past events have lead me to one simple analogy that has often been associated with alcohol: They are simply put, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. I mean no offense to the female species because I normally blow problems ot of proportions and to make better what my imagination comes up with after my far simpler yet not inferior male species intellect being subject to the feminine mind game ritual is no small task. Often times I come away from a situation thinking that they are just more problems than they are worth and then they surprise you and do something amazing that just blows you away and makes you feel silly for ever doubting you wanted to be around them. Well It's late and I need sleep even if I'm not tired. Please realize I fully unstand the risk that I am taking writing on this topic. The commenting populace of this blog consist of Joel and after him its all girls (Say hi to the sexy ladies Joel) Well look at that... I say stupid things when I'm sober too. lol. Feel free to write lengthly comments of any topic. If you could include your website if you don't mind me putting it up on my blog because Amanda's website is looking a little lonely in my side bar alll alone in her Websites space.

Out
Chris

The Soaps Update

2005-02-04T01:05:00.000-04:00

Here's the last chapter to the story you've all been reading about, if not by seeing it happen around you if you have been unlucky enough to be the ones to see me on the regular basis or even live in the same house as me in Fredericton at UNB or through MSN if you're back home in Miramichi.

Liz is a friend that matters very much to me and I hope to be there for you when you miss your "lil' bruvver", which happens to translate into the words "little brother" to us not from mississauga or familiar with Liz. I may not be family but you can talk to me.

Kera, hey what can I say... dumping you in the snow was fun. Hope your ok though. Don't get sick, I soaked you pretty good. ummm I don't know what to say to you because I'm mad at you right now, sooo next. Kera... stay home for a while. If you come here don't come for me, go to Doug's room or something because I really don't want to see you right now. I'm sorry to hear about Bekka but it seems the only time you want to be around me is when you want something. It's nothing personal and you can come back and visit in a bit but for the next few weeks just let me be alone.

Cyns, you are my big sis' that got lost when she was born. You are always there to make me feel like less of an idiot when I do things I wish I hadn't and the thing s that I didn't that I wish I had. Though the latter seems to be happening more often of late. Ummm remember we still need to pick out a weekly meeting time for our new support group titled "Chicken Shits Anonymous". It's for people that want to do something but don't have the guts to do it. I'll talk to you about that later.

Ash, you are my big sis' best friend, and are earning my trust and often times my tales burdens surprisingly fast. I never meant to tell you so much but you're so damn nice and easy to talk to. Ummm yeah, I think I still have a little to tell you about the confusion thing, but that will come later.

Brent, I swear to god if you try to pay me back for that disk I will change the two dollars into pennies and put them in a sock and beat you with them. You don't owe me anything and letting you have a CDR is the least I can do to repay you for the hard time I've given you, and all the time I've spent on WoW.

Tiffany, you were one of the biggest voices of reason for me back home and you didn't even know it. You were right about Shaunessy, she wasn't right for me at all. I should have listened to you from the start, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and all that nice garbage. I miss talking to you as much as I used to and miss the time we used to spend together. Not only the times when we were together, but when we were just friends too.

Now there has got to be someone that I'm leaving out... oh yes: Mel. Ummmm what is there to say... happy early birthday. Don't get pissed when people buy you fluffy pink stuff because it is Valentines day after all. I'll get you something you really want: alcohol, and maybe a little plush toy to add some insult to your b-day injuries I'm sure you and Julz will inflict upon each other. Hope the rave works out for you... maybe you can get into another one in SJ to make up for the one you missed because your drive fell through.

For all the people that are currently, absolutely baffled as to what is going on in the life of CMS, it is dull and I plan to keep it that way for a while. Though there is someone I'm interested in at the moment I really have no clue of how to approach the situation without ruining what I consider to be a good friendship. You know who you are and so does most of the house but what they don't know is that I've never been this nervous around a chick ever, so you can give yourself some credit. You made someone like me nervous about something I used to be so confident about, and that's sayiong something 'bout ya. Well this is you soaps NewsLetter.

Out
The Editor
ChrisMark

This One Could Be Interesting If True

2005-02-02T10:47:00.000-04:00

You scored as Gandalf. You are Gandalf! This wise, old mage

is loyal and brave. He is known for his counsel and

advice to his friends and allies during tough times.
"All you have to do is decide what to do with the time

that is given to you."

Gandalf

94%

Frodo

81%

Eowyn

81%

Aragorn

69%

Samwise

69%

Pippin

63%

Faramir

38%

Gollum

38%

Arwen

25%

Which LOTR character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

All I have to say is wtf... but then again I didn't know what I was going to come out with when I started so meh. Peter and Doug will be disapointed that I didn't comeout a hobit but they'l live Im sure. Well I'm out for now. E-mail or post me your wesites and blogs plz so I can add them to my side bar.

Out (for now, more later.)
Chris

Different MSN Language

2005-02-01T17:37:00.000-04:00

Okay... here is a limited dictionary that will be updated regularly and linked on the side bar so everyone who doesn't know what's going on with what I'm sayig should probably take a look over the following list.

Arg - used either to get the attention of an individual of to express mild aggitation.

Blah - used to express a feeling of grossness or overall unwellbeing of an unserious nature.

Blarg - a combanation of the words "blah" and "arg", blarg is used as an expression of mild aggitation combined with a feeling of unwellbeing.

Meh - used to express a feeling of indifference, uncaring or unknowledgability.

There will be more to follow as I am sure that there will be more things that I say that people can't interpret to be discovered later on. Until then, happy messaging.

Things Calming Down?

2005-01-30T11:08:00.000-04:00

provided by VideoCodes4U.com

Linkin Park - In The End
To you Shaunesy I do send you this. Happy early Valentines day.

Hmmmmm seems things are calming down back home and here... one comment on a blog is a sufficient hint to the stage of Life I'm going through and my MSN name should give you a little further insight into the drama going on back home... soap opera my ass...

Oh and Shaun, let's try war next time, then at least when I kill you (and I would because you suck at this game) it would be a clean finish... this 7 month long game was fun but I could have gone without seeing you as the monster you are. I really liked thinking about you as a good person and would have enjoyed never talking to you again and still being under those assumptions, but alas... you were not that intelligent... why is it that when you leave you have to burn every single bridge behind you... couldn't leave my life on good terms because you will never ever want to be part of it again? Ok... then I don't have to worry about you. If I see you again you're a stranger right? And if you call me by name I'll just keep walking? Sure I can do that I guess. My life a drama? No my friends this has stopped being dramatic at all, this has broken down to a comedy. Shaun I was trying to be your friend so I really don't care if you go with Brian. And why would someone you don't know care who you care about. Good day Shakespear, your tragic flaw has shown its ugly head once more.

On a lesser note I have decided to take a break from the soaps and get back to reality. I plan on staying single (what the fuck... single... mass eruption of confusion) hopefully for a long time... when I say that I know that I will be lucky if I can last 'til my birthday. What can you do eh?

My life is hilarious... I'm letting my room mate down just when I thought things were going to be ok. Hubbard I can never make up to you thethings I've done in the past and you have my word that I will try so hard no matter what it seems like. I wish you could read this. I think I'll leave the address on your computer for you... it seems to work for when people call for you so I'll try that.

I did something last night that I never thought I'd do. Melissa, don't blame it on the alcohol because it wasn't because of it that I said the things that I did. I will always try to be there for you to be your safe home away from home. When you need to let something out be it violent or emotional and you don't know where to go come find me. Just remember when the time comes I will be ready with an silent shoulder for you to bury yourself in and listen to what your have to say and promise you that things will be ok. If you need anyone to to sit down in the storage room and help with the punching bag I am always ready for it.

And that goes for you too Cyns, you helped me through the rough time I had when I didn't know what to do to make a friendship with Liz. Without you we probably would not even be looking at each other let alone talking or being friends. It really meant a lot to me.

Ashley, who has been a rock for so many in the 5 months here, when you need to stop being strong for a night and a pair of ears that listen is all you need do not be afraid to seek out mine for they are open to you.

Kera, you are not as strong as you let on but you will never have to be afraid to drop the walls and let the pain leave out with me... I can't go out with you but I still care about you. Don't hurt yourself... those walks in the cold worry me after the time I hauled you out of the snow but I know you need them. Just be careful.

Liz, you are the most selfless person I know, and you think that you're selfish. You really need to go a little easier on yourself. You can talk to me when you want to, never be afraid of me judging you because I wont.

ChrisChris, you have the worst room mate in the world... or at least the most confused. I give you such a hard time and you don't need it. If you ever need someone to just sit and talk to or even just to sit and be there again... I am there for you.

Amandas 1 and 2, you are both far away but my MSN is always on for you... You know my e-mail and the invitation is there to spill your troubles to me. You both mean a lot to me and I hope that I can be there for you when you need someone to talk to.

And the list goes on... If I left someone out like I know Joel and some others that I'd like to be there for as well, know that it was not on purpose. Well that is all for this post...

Out
Chris

Frustration Online

2005-01-29T16:25:00.000-04:00

a;lksjdfqopuweasdfsjljklifjah---> This... or something equally unreadable as this will from this point forward shall be know as a sign of frustration expressed by the person that types it. The longer the string of gibberish the more frustrated the individual. If it is caps then it is screaming or yelling frustration, following the rules of writen communication. For instance being upset over a question in home homework for ten minutes would only warrant a short such string... (ex. aoiehfn) while being kept doing an assignment for 12 hours would probably provoke a much longer output of non-sense (ie. aluiafhkds.cvjnqoiuafhkdnad;lquafhkarh) and being blamed for something that I didn't do by a person that is very important to me would result in something of the QOAWEI;HFDLBN;QIHFKJNAL;KSHDFLHKALKQOIEFHJKHALOIFFVLKA; sort. Now if that person failed to talk to me for the rest of the day even if they found out that it wasn't my fault... that would produce something about twice as long. Please use these simple rules when trying to express frustration while online or writing letters... simply saying that you are frustrated is simply not good enough anymore. There are just too many different degrees of frustration. Happy DOIFHJKADFJHLKJDMNXCVKJDHFOIQDHFKJDNALKJDHFIEIE;-LAJKSDHNCJKAKHDLJKFH';A;ADHFKLJADMNJ to you.

Out
Chris

The Story of SMK

2005-01-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

So here's the story...

It was a long, slightly chilly day in late september. A young boy about his mid teens was biking his way to hockey practice along the highway leading from his house into town. His parents had left home for the weekend and left him with no drive and a tryout to get to. And so he peddled his way along the strip of road, with his gear on his back and his sticks accross his handlebars. He didn't compalain though... it was just like the times he went on long walks alone by the river he used this time to contemplate on the things that bothered him most. This time, it was about a girl... and this was something new to him. Girls were ok and he had been with lots of girls but never had he felt attracted to one after he'd broken up with her. This one should have been no different. Even after going out with her twice and breaking up with her he still felt drawn to her. And for someone who didn't want to get weighted down that was a problem. He had talked to her earlier that day and had told her that he needed to talk to come over and talk to her about something. Personally he had no intention of actually going inside, because to so would be to surrender to going out once again. Maybe forever. It could never work out between them. They would only get hurt again and again. No girl deserved to get hurt like that. He had made plans to tell her anything as soon as he saw her. To end these thoughts once and for all with one final confrontation with the one that stalked his dreams with a persistency of a preacher, the grace of angels and was about as wanted as the plague. But the problem would be solved soon enough, he thought to himself... only had to get to tryouts first.

He got to tryouts in time to spare. Enought to take his time getting dressed. But as he began to gear up for the first time on the ice since June and the chance to prove himself as a leading member on the team he found that hockey wasn't the first thing on his mind. Why, he demanded of himself, why are you still thinking about her? She can't possibly be that important to you. So he forced her from his mind only to be bothered by what he was planning, the whole of the time at the tryout, and the entire bike to her house. As he set his bike down outside her garage and promised himself that all the confusion would end today, now. His plan was set in stone. He knocked on the door. And she opened it.

"Hey, do you mind if I come in."

So here's my story... of a kid I thought I knew. I guess it's ok for a first story. Shaunessy is a little better at stuff like this. Well this wekend is going to be busy. I have a formal to go to Friday. and then I have homework up the ying yang. I miss out on a basket ball game because me date for it will no longer be coming here. Way to keep your plans Shaunessy. Well I'm done for now. Give me a shout about what you think about the story.

Out
Chris

Fight One, Day Two

2005-01-19T04:44:00.000-04:00

Wow.. so today was a great day... well... yesterday. It get's so confusing when you stay up through the night. It was definately the busiest day in my blogs history... that's for sure. Poor poor blog... never gets any action lol. Things are so uneventful for you that I almost feel like getting in a fight with someone all the time... It motivates people to write something in this blog... the posts don't seem to be doing the trick. Oh well, I wouldn't keep doing it to Shaun of course... Other victims are ripe for the pickens, mwahahahahahahaha. Hmmm, isn't it funny how everything sounds funny at 4:30 AM? Exhaustion is like life's all natural happy pill. Fuck fatkins, I got lask of sleep baby. Who needs a diet when you can just not get sleep and lose wieght and years off your life expectancy without paying someone money to do it for you? Hmmmmm... it's like cigarettes, paying for a slow and painful death. After seeing people smoke and realizing what it does to them and knowing full well that they know what it does to them it makes me want to bury my head in the sand... or just curl up into a ball rock back and forth and mutter something like "the human race is not full of morons," or somewhere along those lines. If I had one shred of evidence that that was the reason why JDD is purposefully ignorant I would have a shred of respect for him. Not much, because he's ignorant about thing you kinda need, like not fucking up in university, but enough to attemp to try to see things his way. Ya know.. "walk a mile in his shoes and then if I still want I can make fun of him because I'm a mile away and I have his shoes". No? Not funny again? Give up you say? Fine then... but on a more serious note: Amanda if you don't come on the 29th *shakes fist in mock rage*...Maybe not as serious as I thought... but honestly: If you don't come we can't go to the girls Varsity Basketball game together *pout pout* I confirmed it and I already have tickets for the 29th so don't worry you'll get to go no problem. Ummmmm I think I'm going to go... Sleep is rushing in and the eyes hurt. Time to go watch music videos til 7:30 and then off to class.

Out
Chris

What type of teenager are you?

2005-01-16T09:36:00.000-04:00

the studious student. You are definitely pressured
and suffer from side effects from built up
stress. You are constantly occupying yourself
with books, studies, or some other hobby. You
feel squeezed in place and have litte movement.
Most of the time you are busy with work and
family, and would love to spread your wings and
relax. One like you needs to find a certain
time of the day to just sit and release the
tension. However, you are doing fairly well in
school, but that does not mean that you can
continue stressing yourself out. Take a
breather and head out with some friends.

You can consider going into a field like
librarian, polotician, journalist,
Archeologist, scientist, or lawyer. You have a
brain...NOW USE IT....but please...spare
yourself the pressure and create some down time
for yourself. Or develop a hobby that releases
tension, such as knitting (it worked wonders
for me)

What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is a good one.... yeah I think it is a little off but those who know me prolly know better... give me a shout and let me know... even if the story doesn't go at least the pic is cool. And I would so never even consider being librarian, polotician, journalist, archeologist, or lawyer and taking up knitting is definately out of the picture.

I'm out
Chris

What Greek God am I Most Like (Plus More Fun Stuff)

2005-01-16T03:16:00.000-04:00

Hecate

Sorry I had to shrink the pic... here's what it said:

You are most like the Greek God Hecate, of dark magic. Mysterious, and intellectual you have a good understanding of the world around you. You never just 'go along' with things, and always do what you want to do - which isn't always the right thing - but nevermind! Interesting, fun and generally quite friendly you're a good person to know, and a great person to have as a friend.

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

I think things like this are a kicker... I hate when people try to tell me who I am but this is kinda fun...

Soooo... I'm not too sure but hey Why not right. Post me and give me your opinion. Sorry fr not writing more. Sleep would overwhelm and I might forget to turn my key board off and who wants to read a page full of "z"s? No....? Not funny....? Should I just quit now......? Fine be that way:)

I'm out
Chris

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?

Hooligan Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-01-13T13:00:00.000-04:00

"Me Against The World"
~Simple Plan~

We're not gonna be
Just apart of their game
We're not gonna be
Just the victims
They're taking our dreams
And they tear them apart
Til everyone's the same
I've got no place to go
I've got no where to run
They love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
Me against the world
It's me against the world

We won't let them change
How we feel in our hearts
We're not gonna let them control us
We won't let them shove
All their thoughts in our heads
And we'll never be like them

I've got no place to go
I've got no where to run
They love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always say
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I'm gonna prove them wrong
It's me against the world
Me against the world

Now I'm sick of this waiting
So come on and take your shot
You can spit all your insults
But nothing you say is gonna change us
You can sit there and judge me
Say what you want to
We'll never let you in

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
Me against the world
I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said

I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've got to prove them wrong
They'll never bring us down
We'll never fall in line
I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

Simple Plan... Never thought I'd wind up posting one of your songs here. Oh well, this is pretty much how I feel today. I know they say we but that's kinda fitting in my situation. If you don't know don't ask, and if you do know don't answer those who want to know please. I feel raked right now but I'm sure hockey will make me feel better... pounding myself to crap always improves my spirits, somehow. I can see myself spending a long night at the punching bag tonight... debating putting on gloves this time but I know I'll feel better about it if I don't. It hurt but less than the wall so knuckles in. Maybe someone else will be as upset tonight as I am and I'll have someone to fight. I don't want Kera to be up tho... Last night I tore all the muscles in her back and she's passed out on pain killers. Poor kid... Hope she'll be ok. Hmm this night can only get better... because it can't get any worse. Wow this is a really short post after last one but I have nothing else to write. Bye

I'm out
Chris

Helping People: The Double Edged Knife

2005-01-05T00:42:00.000-04:00

This has been a different few weeks... I feel like I've made an impression in the lives of a few from the group of the people that I would consider important to me in some way, but I am not feeling the happiness the childrens stories tell of after doing what you can to help others.

I helped Kera by being there for her to talk to and remind her that there is no shame in letting your feelings show to those you trust. Kera is important to me because we share views on a lot of different things in a lot of different ways to say the least. We have a lot of the same problems so we really get along well. I can tease her about her problems and she can raz me about mine and no one feels bad because we know what it is like. I can talk to her about so much and she understands without me explaining things.

I like to think that I have helped 'Mander just a bit by listening to her and lending what little helpful thoughts I could on the situation. Sorry I couldn't be more help... I'm here if you need someone to talk to. 'Mander is important to me because when I saw her and Marshal together it reminded me of me and Shaunessy: They looked genuinely happy together as the fairy tales sing and looked as though they would stay that way for quite a long time... maybe happily ever after. But my Robert Munch fairy tale turned into a Shakespearian tragedy... protagonists tragic flaw and all. (Note to Non-artsies: I crashed and burned because of my own actions, more specifically the larger of my character flaws.) When I heard about her and Marshal I thought about how I never wanted anything like what happened between me and Shaunessy to happen to a couple that looked so happy together. Sure this is probably "Chris this none of your business, walk away," territory but what I went through is/was the most difficult time I have ever and probably ever will be through (knock on wood) as long as I walk this plane, so really anything I can do to help prevent something like what happened to me from happening to someone else is ok with me.

If helping out people is supposed to make you feel better then why do I feel worse now then when I started. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't make a difference in the long run I guess. Kera will continue to build things up inside and hurt herself and 'Mander will get hurt by those she cares about most sometimes. So what have I changed? Have my actions, though noble and good in intent, been wasted because I have done things wrong somehow? One word emphsized differently to either one of these people could make a huge difference in how they apply experience to the situation. I just hope that I did the good that I had been intending to do and not confused people because of my lack of understanding and insite. The dice has been roled I guess... common lucky 7, right? Wish it wasn't like that but ... it is. I'm thinking tat maybe I think too much. Well...

I'm out
ChrisMark

And Canada Wins the Gold

2005-01-04T21:03:00.000-04:00

As you may have noticed, it is not even 9 o'clock yet. Canada is playing the russians... of course Canada is going to win. Well it should be a game all right though. As long as Canada doesn't get stupid penalties because they are too cocky... Well I'm off to get ready for the game.

Untitled On Purpose

2005-01-01T19:59:00.000-04:00

This one doesn't get a title for one simple reason... If I gave it a title it would be pointless to write anything inside this blog. I had a rough two weeks home, between being bored at home and hurt outside of it(my own fault probably but who cares anymore) I think the only thing that I can say that I really had a lot of fun at during these weeks away from true home was at Amanda's house sliding. Thank you so much Amanda... you were there for me to talk to when no one else cared to listen or was able to. I feel like I owe you much for being there for me and I hope that I can be as helpful to you in your times of sadness. Liz I'm sorry for hurting you with my last post. At any rate it seems that my feelings for Shaunessy were misplaced or at least given without reciprication or intention to accept them. She's not ready return anything I feel for her right now anyway. Kera, I'm sorry about your bird. If I had of known what I had done would come at the cost of its life I would have been more cautious with... well... you know. Well that's pretty much all I can say. I'm out

92102
ChrisMark

God Bless This Final Fuckup and Let Everyone Else Fail As Well

2004-12-18T21:59:00.000-04:00

Give me Novacaine
~Greenday

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensation is overwhelming,
Give me a kiss goodnight and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than air,

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensation is overwhelming,
Give me a kiss goodnight and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Thank you Green Day for understanding. Or... verbalizing... song-il-izing maybe? Anyway sorry artsies... no poetry today, and the heartfelt emotions will have to be put aside until later. I just did Horrible (that's right... Horrible... with a capitol H... you know I mean business now) on an exam worth anywhere from 40 to 60 percent of my mark. All may not be lost though. I just found out that almost everyone did horrible on that last exam. Good ol' AppSci. Always good for raping your challengers... Since I am pretty sure I didn't do as well I would have liked and almost everyone failed, the teacher will be forced to boost marks. Alright, I get about a 20 point boost of my mark which puts me at the very least into the C range. Well I'm glad that my last exam is finally within' breathing distance. Close enough to start to make my breath come more difficultly anyway. Now these emotions must be put away so I can think like a machine and write like one to create a program in the two hours given to me that will be agreeable to those who would grade me. Hehehe, hope you didn't leave when I said no poetry artsies... looks like some made it in anyway. I made a mistake today that hurt someone back home. Shaunessy I'm sorry for not understanding. guess I'll never understand the one who says he'll hurt me for doing something that he himself did to you. I know mine was worse by far but let the one without sin cast the first stone right? So that means that I stop here. Digging my hole waits 'til I see you next I guess and I've put enough nails in for one day and I barely even got to talk to you today. Self-destruction, tho art me? Or be I lost even to myself? Questions that will be answered only in the ever after.

I'm out
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Chris

Today

2004-12-17T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today is another one of those days... Except for the snow. Pure, white, blanketing, snow. Like a lie it covers the ground and its maring blemises... making it seem perect, unmarked for all it has seen and done during the summer. There... hopefully that litle poetic blurb will make you artsies a little more into my blog :) Anyway, today has been decent. Only if worrying my ass of about a final that happens in less than a day and trying to study but being unsuccessful in total, falls under the term decent. Otherwise the only thing that is good about to day is that it is one day closer to home than yesterday. Shaunessy you are such a mystery to me, I wish I was at home so I could tak to you in person. There are stories of emotions only a person's eyes can tell and I have a librairy to share with you. My family that knows so litle about me, I don't know why but I miss you. I miss you thinking that the way I act is because of the phase you call the teens. Wow... that is all home holds for me? I would have thought better of a place to which so many ties, memories and thoughts are fosused. Though my heart is still there... when I write of why... there are only really two things that will ever bring me back there again. Hmmm, is a persons roots of memory set into a single place a mistaken act? Regardless, it is the place I wish to be. Whether it be to be with the woman I care so deeply about or my clueless family, I would be no where else for the holidays. This is, after all, the time of miracles. Maybe my family will surprise me with some unseen understanding into my life. Or possibly Shaunessy will let me hold her again. Little miracles that would be meaningless to anyone else give me the hope I need to return to a place of few ties. Simply because while these ties are few, they are my strongest hopes of all.

I'm out
Chris
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Another Lonely Day

2004-12-16T20:35:00.000-04:00

So today is another day... the sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky, and everyone has leftso it might as well be dark and dreary to me. I am so not ready for my finals yet but they are not for a couple days and should be easy to prepare for. I just want to get them over with... then I can go home and spend sometime with someone I care about instead of sitting here and doing nothing. You know who you are and from the last post I made so should everyone else. Well I'm going to go study now so I'm out.

Chris
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My Hopeful Heart

2004-12-14T04:35:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone, this post is going to be a little hard for some people to get over and surprise quite a few others. And there is no way I can just let these things that my hopeful heart dwells on go silently by with no one knowing. I love Shaunessy McKay. I love Her with all my heart. I have hurt Her more than was humanly possible to any other human being probably could. I regret these things that I have done more than I regret going to university and leaving her side for eight months and seventeen days of torture to my soul. I am not even halfway through and I feel worse than I have my entire life. I deserve much less than what She has given me and She deserve much more than I can give you, but I would like nothing more than anything in this lifetime to be given the chance to give Shanessey what she wants. I hope She reads this and I hope Her friends read this, if only to see that I admit that I have done something that no person can forgive, not even myself and that if Shaunessy would give me the chance I would gladly work to try to prove myself worth Her love once more and earn the respect of Her friends. My hopeful heart, from which this blog was named, gives me the strength I need to say these things because it has been true when I have not. It will not let me let my feelings for Shaunessy go unvoiced, unnoticed, unheard or misunderstood. Shaunessy is everything to my and hurting Her hurts me just as much. I would take take all the pain and suffering of the world onto my own shoulders if it was the only way to rid Shaunessy of Her's. I love Her 'til the day I die and if Her friends may hate me to the very day I die, if She hates me to the very day I die, hell if She was the one that killed me, the last breath from my body would hold her name and my dying thoughts would be on Her as I fall into my very last dreamless sleep. And so I have told you, I have told you all how I feel. I could hide what I feel no more. I'm sorry to those who think and say that I should never even think about trying for Shaunessy again after what I've done and I ask your forgiveness in advance. Love isn't something I have the power to stop. Your threats of bodily harm mean little to me, they cannot touch what matters, you are just as powerless as I when it comes to love. Do what you think is right, I just hope that someday you'll find someone you love as much as I do Shaunessy. Maybe then you'll understand. Until then, I feel bad for you for not feeling such an amazing thing as real love.

Chris,
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Final Finess and Emotional Distress

2004-12-09T21:08:00.000-04:00

So it's time for finals. I just finished my three easy ones so now I'm down to the hard one. Studying is a lot harder at university than I remember it ever being back in highschool. I have to pick up a book here and actually read. Lots of hard work and crap. Thought I did awesome on the finals I just got done and thought maybe things weren't going to be as difficult as I thought they would be. I thought that Exam time would be a nice break where I could spend some time with the guyz and just sit back and chill. All that changed this morning. My room mate, Hubbard, his Nanny passed away last night. And he was really close to her because he spent the first 12 years of his life with her. So instead of going out like we had planned with 2 dozen other people, I stayed back and comforted Hub until his parents came to get him. The Funeral is tomorrow. Chris decided that he wants to come back and write his exam anyway even though he could just take the make up one in January when he is more composed. He's coming back the day after the funeral to write it. I wouldn't be able to do that. My Grandmother died and I could barely eat for half a month. The only reason I survived that time was because of Shaunessy (thank you so uch for your encouragement and comfort in my time of mourning). Hub really has heart, I'll give him that. I hope he's ok.

Well today is the big day for one of my favorite people in the whole world. Today is the opening day for "The Living Christmas Tree" and Shaunessy is performing in it. I wish you the best of luck and pray for you and that you will enjoy the time you spend performing and singing to others. My only regret is that I wont be there to see you being beautiful showing off your beautiful voice. I will miss you and I hope to see you this Christmas break.

Swim Meet Suicide

2004-10-25T03:33:00.000-03:00

This wekends swimmeet was a disaster!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe that I swam that badly.. I was so depressed I thought I could cry. I tore something in my stomach doing the fly the very first day so it is incredibly painful to move when I'm not doped up on tylonol and ibuprophene. I have to thank Liz for putting up with me and my vegetating ass. And I must thank Shaunessy for putting up with whatever unitelligent stupid things I will probably say in the near future because of these stupid drugs that are keeping me from passing out. Well I centainly hope that there is nothing too hard to be learned in class this week and that the midterms in AppSci and Linear Algebra are cake walks. I feel like doing some more vegetating. I want to vegetate like a carrot in sand... I just want to lie there, shrivel up and die. Well I'll talk to you people later.

off, up, out, gone,
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I Raped That Midterm!!!!!!!

2004-10-22T20:58:00.000-03:00

Yeah I got a hundred percent on the math midterm!!!!!! That's like 15 out of a hundred on my final grade. That's flippin' amazing. I think I did okay on the AppSci Midterm as well. I'm really starting to get my shit together now. I think that I know what I'm doing right now. Even Things with Shaunessy are starting to sort themselves out. I'm on cloud nine, and nothing could ruin this day. Shaunessy and I are getting along again and I'm doing well in my studies that will determine the rest of my life. I think I just might smile bigger than I ever have before, or at least since Saint John. Well I'm signing off for now. I'll add more later.

And I'm back.... But not for long. Swim team is fast approaching and there's even a plus to going to that. I get my swim jacket and the rest of my awesome gear. I hope everyone out there is having such a great day.. as I am... not liguistically but in spirits... feelings not booze. Ahh forget it. you get the idea. You are all amazing in your own ways and I hope that today you will all find your way to shine out and be noticed. Well I'm out.

My liver has been bad, time to punish it.

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This World is Still New To Me

2004-10-19T13:16:00.000-03:00

Hey people

This whole blog thing is still new to me so I guess this is going to take some work to perfect. I'm having fun with my mid terms so far. Insults to my miniscular intelligence and that's saying something. I spent more time looking for something that I thought that I missed than I did doing the work. Well I'm out for now. Asignments are building up again so it's back to work.

Chris